Thoughts of Jeramie

If Wishes Were Horses ....

2012-02-09T15:25:00.001-06:00

Oh, how I wish I had the opportunity to get to know this lady before she died! Hopefully we'll be able to meet in the afterlife.

How to get to Sesame street

2012-01-26T17:06:00.000-06:00

IT'S A BOY!! -- maybe

2012-01-16T09:33:00.002-06:00

According to the ancient Chinese fertility calendar, Nick will not have to deal with the 'girl drama' that he has been dreading!

The site says that it is 95% accurate ... did they lie? We'll see tomorrow.

UPDATE: There's more than one reason why the ancient Chinese died off.

A New Year!

2012-01-13T22:37:00.000-06:00

Well, it's that time again. Time to account for last year's resolutions, and offically state this years. For those interested, last year's reasolutins can be found here.

At the beginning of this new year, I am happy to report that all of my resolutions failed.
1. Sadly, I still have a life outside of Faerun and Ferelden.
2. Nick, as cute as he is, decided that his time would be better spent in obtaining legal employment.
3. Cancer research remains firmly entrenched with those who are better versed in genetics than I am.

Now, on to the new year! This year, I resolve to:

1. Set up better security in the stockroom. Plus, if I use this little gem from TSA I could generate all kinds of new revenue!
2. With all that revenue, I am almost guaranteed a promotion at work. As a delightful bonus, it won't require the extensive surgery that this method will.
3. Finally, I am going to follow the example set by our president and throw out the budget. Besides, I'm getting a promotion, remember!

Well, for better or worse, those are my resolutions. Good luck with yours, I know that I will be working hard on mine.

DINKS again!

2012-01-03T16:59:00.002-06:00

Well, at least for a few months.

Nick has got a job at a software quality control company, being a quality control analyst. I thought I'd share the good news!

(For those of you who don't know, DINKS stands for Double Income No KidS. Apparently this acronym isn't as popular as I thought.)

'Tis the Season!

2011-12-11T17:46:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas! Welcome to the second installment of our Christmas letter. If you missed the first one, it can be found here.

If you would like a copy sent to your mailbox, just let me know where to send it. (Please be aware that I no longer have access to a color printer. Any paper copies will be in grey scale, but all e-mail copies will be in their full color glory!)

We're growing up!

2011-11-22T13:57:00.001-06:00

Nick and I have taken another step into adulthood.

We have set the first requirement for any house that we may want to purchase/build in the future. While searching for an interesting jigsaw puzzle to build (yes, facebook friends, this post is quite a bit belated), we came across this: LIFE: The Great Challenge.

And just like that, our future house gained a prerequisite: It must have a 15' wall.

Eventually we will become stinking rich, and will have several thousand to blow on a puzzle. When we do, we MUST have a place to display said puzzle. (Especially since it is extremely unlikely that we will have both the money and good eye-sight. But that makes it all the more display worthy .... right?)

SCIENCE!

2011-10-27T18:52:00.000-05:00

I stole this from a friend on Facebook. You're going to love it!

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

A few thoughts about Obama's speech tonight:

2011-07-26T00:22:00.005-05:00

INTRODUCTION:

"I won’t bore you with the details of every plan or proposal, but basically, the debate has centered around two different approaches." -- I want details! I'm not an idiot, and I do not believe everything I hear on TV. I want the details of BOTH plans, so I can decide for myself which is better.

NOT OBAMA'S APPROACH:

"... let’s live within our means by making serious, historic cuts in government spending." --YEAH!! It's about freaking time!!

"Let’s cut defense spending at the Pentagon by hundreds of billions of dollars." --OK, not as good. However, I've never known Obama (or any politician for that manner) to give fair and accurate reporting on an opponents plan, policies, or practices. I'll wait for actual facts before judging this point.

"Let’s cut out waste and fraud in health care programs like Medicare" --YEAH!!! Again, about freaking time!!

"Finally, let’s ask the wealthiest Americans and biggest corporations to give up some of their breaks in the tax code and special deductions." --We'll get back to this one in a few minutes.

OBAMA'S APPROACH:

"It would reduce the deficit by around $4 trillion and put us on a path to pay down our debt." --I don't want to be 'on the path' I want a balanced budget. I have to live on one, why doesn't Washington?!

"And the cuts wouldn’t happen so abruptly that they’d be a drag on our economy" --You're talking like all of this will happen overnight. NOTHING in Washington happens overnight.

"While many in my own party aren’t happy with the painful cuts it makes, enough will be willing to accept them if the burden is fairly shared." --We'll get back to this one too.

"That’s not right. It’s not fair. We all want a government that lives within its means, but there are still things we need to pay for as a country -– things like new roads and bridges; weather satellites and food inspection; services to veterans and medical research." --You're right. It's not fair. But I have to forgo a LOT of the things I am used to. Why doesn't the government? Why can't Washington make every penny count? What's so wrong with telling some researchers that they have a really great project, but there just isn't enough money in the coffer to help out?

"And keep in mind that under a balanced approach, the 98 percent of Americans who make under $250,000 would see no tax increases at all. None. In fact, I want to extend the payroll tax cut for working families." --And now I come back to the two points that I skipped. How is this any different than the last point in the plan that you didn't like? You have 2% of Americans making up all the new revenue, while you give more tax breaks to 98%. How, exactly, is this a burden evenly shared? Do you not pay attention to what happens when you tax an entity (person or corporation) more than others? It just happened in California ... they leave your tax jurisdiction. FYI, they take their money with them.

THE PROBLEM, AS OBAMA SEES IT:

"Now, what makes today’s stalemate so dangerous is that it has been tied to something known as the debt ceiling -– a term that most people outside of Washington have probably never heard of before." --Great. Now we're idiots, and have no clue what is going on.

"Understand –- raising the debt ceiling does not allow Congress to spend more money." --You'll have to go into depth on this one, because I am really not getting it. If Congress doesn't need to spend more money to pay the country's debts, WHY does the debt ceiling NEED to be raised?

"In the past, raising the debt ceiling was routine. Since the 1950s, Congress has always passed it, and every President has signed it." --Yes. Isn't this why we are in trouble now?

"We would risk sparking a deep economic crisis -– this one caused almost entirely by Washington." --Um ... correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't federal spending completely in the control of Washington? So, isn't the whole reason that you had to interrupt my TV show, to insult me, Washington's fault?

"But the new approach that Speaker Boehner unveiled today, which would temporarily extend the debt ceiling in exchange for spending cuts, would force us to once again face the threat of default just six months from now." --Good! I want Washington to keep this item on the agenda, to have the threat of default hanging over their heads until they BALANCE THE DAMN BOOKS!! If this means having a temporary measure passed, and the issue is forced in another 6 months, then fine. But BALANCE THE DAMN BOOKS! NOW!!

"We know what we have to do to reduce our deficits; there’s no point in putting the economy at risk by kicking the can further down the road." --Maybe it will finally get it through your thick skulls that the American people want the DAMN BOOKS BALANCED!

"Again, they will refuse to ask the wealthiest Americans to give up their tax cuts or deductions." --You mean unlike point four in the plan you don't like?

CONCLUSION:

"I’ve told leaders of both parties that they must come up with a fair compromise in the next few days that can pass both houses of Congress -– and a compromise that I can sign." --If a compromise passes both houses, sign the damn thing. If it has a good chance of working, and is constitutional, why in the hell would you refuse to sign it?!

"Now, I realize that a lot of the new members of Congress and I don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues. But we were each elected by some of the same Americans for some of the same reasons." --Yes. The American people want a change, and they didn't think that the current powers that be (first the Republicans, now you) could/would make it happen.

"If you want a balanced approach to reducing the deficit, let your member of Congress know. If you believe we can solve this problem through compromise, send that message." --Seriously? Call your congressman and tell them to vote for my plan? Why? You haven't given ANY details about your plan. All you've done is break into my normal TV programing (again!), insult me several times, give some vague assurances that 98% of Americans won't see their taxes increase, and threaten not to sign any plan that isn't yours. Are you six?

For those of you interested, all of the quotes from Obama were taken from the White house's website. You can find his whole speech here. Thanks for listening to me rant.

It's a girl!

2011-07-22T14:52:00.004-05:00

So, apparently I had a fling with the pool guy (in my defense, he was really ripped) and got knocked up. It's a girl! She will weigh 9 lbs 8 oz and measure 21" long. She will be darling, sporting brown hair and hazel eyes. (Boy, these pregnancy tests get more detailed all the time! EPT is soooo jealous.)

Should you want to see if a blessed event is about to descend upon you, click here. No lab work needed! Results are 100% guaranteed*!

*The result is guaranteed, NOT the accuracy of said result.

Christmas in July

2011-07-08T17:59:00.002-05:00

If any of you have the chance to read this book, I highly recommend it. I've been reading it, off and on, for the last 6 months. Recently I've been using it to burn through those pesky 30 minute waits at the doctor's office, as my body decides if my allergy shot is going to kill me. (Judging from some of the welts, it's been a close call. But I diverge. Back to the book.)

I thought I'd share a paragraph that completely sums up what I like about this book.

Enter the bee. "What we can smell, honeybees can smell. There is not a big difference," explains German scientist Randolf Menzel. This is good news for smell research, for there are plenty of things you can do to a bee that you dare not do to a human.
The Physics of Christmas, Roger Highfield, pg 197.

Highfield expertly combines research from many different disciplines in an entertaining and witty explanation of what is really going on during the holidays (at least science wise, no one understands aunt Imogen's fruit cake). Everyone needs to read this book. How can we have a functioning society if everyone doesn't know about Santa's genetics, the trippin' reindeer under his command, or what King Tut's beer tasted like?!

Turd Burgers, a soylent green subsitute

2011-06-17T14:47:00.000-05:00

There are many things for which recycling can be used for. I'm just not sure that this is one of them.

I think that it's time we admit that there's a limit to what we are willing to recycle.

Did someone say science?

2011-06-05T12:34:00.000-05:00

I apologise for the interruption, but this is not the usual sardonic/sarcastic post that I usually generate. I will get back to those next time. I promise.

I recently finished reading an article in Scientific American that discussed the lack of science in the curriculum of early education. They specifically mentioned pre-K through K, but I don't recall much formal education in science before the third grade.

I agree with the article in that we are doing our children a great disservice by not starting formal science education at an early age. There doesn't have to be a downplay, or removal, of anything that is currently being taught in early education to include science. But it will require more early educators to be comfortable with science ... something that is lacking currently.

However, this is something that you can easily foster in the home. Children ask a lot of questions. Especially young children. When they ask a question, take some time to "seek" out the answer with them. I understand that this can not be done for every question. (I was 12 when my youngest sibling was born. I remember how many questions were asked each day!) Even if you choose only one or two questions a week, you will be teaching your child the skill set they will need to reason and apply logic. In short, you will teach them how to learn "science." (When they grow up, they may not like doing it, but they will be able to do it.)

I was fortunate enough to grow up as my dad was going to college. While doing his homework, he would take the time to explain to my sister and I what he was doing. I remember sitting on his lap holding a large flash card with a letter of the alphabet on it. He would be reading a text book, and whenever we came across the letter we were holding, we could yell and point it out. I'm sure it was a huge disruption in his studding (when I was going to college, I would think back to this and wonder how he got any studding done!) but I am very grateful for the time he took.

I would like to encourage all of my readers with young children to take sometime and teach your child how to use the scientific method. If they ask a question, ask them what they think is the answer is, why they think that is the answer, etc. Some kids will get frustrated with this method, so try somethine else. Get them thinking any way you can. Teach them not to be afraid of learning new things, thinking differently from others, and even getting the wrong answer. Help them discover the joys of learning. I believe that this is one of the most important skill sets that parents can teach their children, and I hope to pass it on to mine.

Ok, I've been preachy enough for one day. It's time to slaughter some darkspawn. Dragon Age, here I come!

Mother's day conversations

2011-05-15T09:12:00.002-05:00

Like a large majority of the American public, I call my mom on Mother's Day. This is slightly tricky for us, since my mom's prefered shift is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, from 3 am until everything gets done.

Anyway, I called around 5 pm (her time) since that seems to be after she get's home, but before she heads for bed. Unfortunately, Mother's day was a long work day. She called me an hour and half later, when they finally let her leave. We had a good chat.

Like all good brothers do, Will came and interupted us. The conversation went something like this:

Will: My elbow hurts.
Mom: You need to give it some time to rest. It will take longer than two days to heal.
Will: I can't! I've got $hit to do!

My mom probably made some approprate comment, but my mind was occupied with the image of my little brother trying to deficate out of his elbow. Not a sight for the weak, but it was funny none the less.

Me: Why does he $hit with his elbow? I use completely different part of my anatomy for that. No wonder it hurts, straining that hard can't be good for you.

Mom, true to form, picked it right up and kept it rolling. The resulting banter is what I miss most, now that I live over 1000 miles from the rest of my family. Hopefully we'll be able to visit soon.

No more empty threats ... PLEASE!

2011-05-11T18:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Golf Digest

Please stop threatening to send the last issue, and just send it. We didn't want the first issue and are anxiously awaiting the last issue.

Thanks

LIMITED MILES INCLUDED!!

2011-05-06T22:48:00.001-05:00

I got to admit, I'm a little confused about this. Sixty dollars a day seems a bit much for a moving truck, even if it includes such bonuses as: cart, blankets and limited mileage.

Knowing that they were shelling out 60 clams a day for this beauty, I insisted that we take a pic that night. Little did I know that it would sit in the parking lot for three more days. I wish that I had that kind of money!

P.S. Thanks go to Nick for the title of this post!!

Aaaaggg!!!

2011-04-15T14:10:00.000-05:00

With all of the people Obama has appointed into powerless positions, why hasn't he appointed a "snot nazi"? There really should be a quota on how much snot one person can produce in day....and I've exceeded my monthly allotment in just these past few days. Why doesn't anyone shoot me and put me out of my misery?

On second thought, I think I will just go back to bed. I'm not quite ready for Obama care.

**This is just another prime example of why blogs and colds should be kept as far apart as possible**

Happy sweet sixteen

2011-03-06T19:48:00.006-06:00

While browsing through the T-shirts at cafe press, I came across this little gem. I thought it was funny. I shared it with Nick.

And BOOM ...

Just like that ...

Our daughter's 16th birthday gift was decided. I like the way he thinks.

Mail order hot cooca

2011-02-26T20:23:00.010-06:00

This is the end result of having Stephen's hot cocoa delivered.

Now that you're wondering how in the heck that could result from something so innocent, I'll explain. It all started with the last cup of hot cocoa, about two weeks ago.

I am kind of a hot cocoa snob; I think that the quantity of cocoa I consume gives me this right. So, we mail ordered some Stephen's cocoa. It came yesterday. Three cans of chocolaty goodness .... deliciously packed in peanuts!

I looked longingly at the peanuts, and started to unpack the cocoa. Nick saw my responsible behavior, and decided to take over. He took the box....and spread the peanuts all over the floor! That's when the fun commenced! Nick's the best!

One of my favorite things to do when I get a package is to spread the peanuts all over the floor. Then I run, jump, hop, skip through them. They make such a delicious crunching sound. When I get bored of that, I'll snap them at Nick. That never fails to start a peanut fight!

P.S. I'll have you know that I didn't loose this fight, despite what the photo evidence shows. Nick rolled me around in the peanuts AFTER the fight, RIGHT before the photo. In short...he cheated.

Random Thought

2011-01-19T12:21:00.003-06:00

Here's why I'm extremely glad that I don't work in a cubical:

Here we work like ants in plexi-glass
Ants in plexi-glass
Ants in plexi-glass
Here we work like ants in plexi-glass
Toiling our lives away.

2011: a year for fun!

2011-01-01T12:40:00.008-06:00

Wow, where has the year gone? It seems like only a few months since the last time I followed this tradition. Well, let's do this right.

First, an update on last year's resolutions:

Ok, so I did start reading some right wing literature. More specifically, the comments on certain right to carry and emergency preparedness articles. ROFLAO, there really are some idiots out there!
Sadly, all poo remains unsculpted.
I made some progress with my OCD. I now call it CDO.

I didn't do quite as well as last year. Hopefully I'll reverse the trend this year.

So, the New Year Resolutions for 2011 are as follows:

I am going to become addicted to video games. Alcoholism didn't work, why not let the MMORPGs take over? Plus, I really want to join a self-help group.
I think that I'll start pimping. If I loose my job and savings to the previous resolution, I'll need an alternate form of income. Besides, Nick is cute!
I will start leaving little messes all around the apartment. If Flemming could discover penicillin by leaving the dishes in his lab undone, with a whole apartment I could discover the cure for cancer!

Now that my resolutions* are made, I'm off to enjoy this new year. Good luck to you and yours; I wish you all the very best. Stay alert. 2+0+11=13, and as we all know 13 is a very unlucky number.

*For my view on the practice of making New Year Resolutions, please go here.

My new favorite Christmas carol

2010-12-18T10:50:00.003-06:00

Love it!

Christmas letter up-date

2010-12-08T00:11:00.005-06:00

So, my mom called and I quote, "Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't say that not much has changed and then talk about experiences I haven't heard of. I want to hear about the garden experience."

With that thought in mind, I had Nick send my mom an e-mail detailing the 'gardening experience.' With a very little help from me, this is what he sent:

We planted a garden

We planted peanuts, the rabbits did quell.
We planted tomatoes, the racoons dined well.
We planted some okra, the bugs had a feast.
We planted zucchini, it prospered, to say the least.
We planted broccoi, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts.
With the onions, the rabbits had take out.
We planted melons, peppers, and more.
We planted pumpkins and they were seen no more.
We planted sunflowers, which grew very tall.
Fungus and wind then caused a mighty fall.
We planted amaranth with colors galore,
gave wonder and amazement, our only score.

Well done Nick!

Christmas news letter

2010-12-05T21:49:00.005-06:00

Hey All! Nick and I decided to do a Christmas news letter this year. Here is a link to the letter. I hope that you enjoy, and have a very merry Christmas! (Ignore the box. I think it's trying to put the letter there....but it's failing miserably.)

2010 Christmas letter

Happy Turkey Days

2010-11-13T12:44:00.008-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of Thanksgiving, Nick and I are going to provide a list of things that we are thankful for.

Nick is greatful that we have two computers for me to use.
I am greatful we both come from families that are relativly normal.
We are greatful for each other.
Nick is greatful that he can hide while I blog.
I am greatful Nick can find places to hide, so I can get things done.
We are greatful for "The Turkey Song". (Yes, this is the real reason behind the blog entry)

Donations anyone?

2010-10-27T18:19:00.002-05:00

Does anyone want to donate a watermelon? Said watermelon must be whole and intact to be a viable donation.

During the renovation, the construction company left a couple of hard hats. (Yes, this thought is related to the above question.) One of the professors here wants to wear one to his lab. He is curious how long it will take his students to ask if they should be wearing one. When they do, he is planning on saying "No, no. You'll be fine. Just do as I do, and you'll be fine." I think he should add, "If I yell 'duck' you DUCK!" (OK, this thought wasn't so related. But it's still a good one.)

Anyway, as much fun as this would be, I would rather strap them on the ends of a watermelon and drop it off the roof of the building. You know, as a favor to the construction company. To show them just how much bang they are getting for their buck.

So, does anyone have a watermelon that they don't want? It's for a good cause. It's tax deductible.* Tax deductions are good...especially when they involve a watermelon, two hard hats, and a four story building.

*I consider it a charitable donation. The US government might disagree. Mainly, that's why I'm not a tax attorney, accountant, or financial guru.

Seriously! You've got to be kidding me!

2010-09-29T12:12:00.005-05:00

So, a while back I mentioned a patent that was featured in Chemical and Engineering News. If you don't remember, or were not reading then, it can be found here.

It has been funded, mass produced, and can be yours for a little less than $30. There's a whole web page devoted to the product. I have noticed, however, that many of the questions that I had went unanswered. (They probably never saw my post, but that is beside the point.)

Sure, they say it's comfortable, but how comfortable can it actually be? If, as a gas mask, the cup acts as a filter, how can it provide for adequate air flow as a bra? Does it have to be worn loose? It has been my experience that a loose bra is worse than no bra.

What about a hot and humid day. The true question that should be asked here is: on a hot, humid and generally icky-sticky day, would you really want to put your face where the girls were...when they weren't able to breathe?

I don't know about you, but I sweat. And on a day similar to the one describe above, I sweat a lot. My bra gets wet. How does this moisture affect the bra? Is it more effective, less effective or will it now suffocate me?

Kudos to Bodnar for thinking outside of the box, and congrats on her Ig Noble Award. But, there are a lot of questions that have to be answered before I will be willing to stake my life (or $30....that's a lot for a bra that won't fit) on it. And the FAQs provided by ebbra doesn't even come close to addressing the real issues.

What does it mean?

2010-09-02T12:42:00.008-05:00

There is a sport here called "tanking". It's where you float down the river in an old feed trough. You can visit here for more information.

One of our faculty members decided to leave us and, as a farewell, several of the faculty members (mostly the supper club group) went tanking. Unfortunately I wasn't able to go, but they did relate the experience.

They were given a stick, and decided that is what they were supposed to steer with. They couldn't figure out how to do it effectively, and three-fourths of the way down the river abandoned the idea. I believe that someone got out to steer after that, but I'm not exactly clear on that point.

So, I have to ask...

What does it mean when you get a group of PhDs together, and they have a hard time steering a feeding trough down the river? And why did it take them so long to try something else?

12 Steps--Step 10

2010-08-09T23:05:00.001-05:00

Step 10: Continuing Inventory

Despite my most valiant efforts, I keep finding my self slipping. You will note, however, that this list is considerably shorter than the first one. Yea! Progress can be seen!

**My morbid sense of humor shows in #2. If you're offended by that kind of thing, please skip it.**

#1 Kearney has a building named "The Lighthouse Counseling Center." The name probably is a metaphor for being a beacon of light in a dark time, or some other well thought out word play. However, my first thought upon seeing this? "If I was a lighthouse in Kearney, I would need counseling too."

#2 My mom was giving a talk at my Grandmother's funeral about a month ago. We were all huddled around her looking for a particular scripture she wanted to use. All of us could remember hearing it, but none of us could find it. It turns out that the familiar form of the scripture wasn't in the King James version of the bible. But, I digress. After we found the scripture we started randomly flipping through books to find other quotes for her. Helpful of us, wasn't it? Well, I started perusing A Bit of a Pause for Mrs Claus by Schick-Jacobwitz, Schick-Pierce, and Drake. I came across a quote that I just had to share. "Her muscles were aching, her feet were so sore. This overworked housewife could take no more." It was very well received.

#3 A few months ago, the RS president gave me my visiting teaching assignment. It was in an envelope with a violin bow on it...to fit the metaphor she thought up. I am the bow, my companion is the violin, and our sisters are the strings. Separate we are incomplete, but together we make beautiful music. I thought it was a very nice metaphor; an apt description of the visiting teaching program. When we reached the end of the hall, I leaned into Nick and told him my second thoughts. "So, my companion and I are supposed to irritate our sisters until they squeal?" I think logic has made me a bad Mormon.

#4 The other night Nick was imputing receipts into the computer after our family vacation. He murmured something, so I did my part and asked what was wrong. The conversation went something like this:

"Nothing. I just can't seem to figure out why we are not out of money yet."
"Because we haven't spent it all?"
**Dirty look that could curdle milk, in about 3.5 seconds**
"Do I have to apologise for this on my blog?"
"YES!!"

#5 I recently finished reading a book on the mensa murders. I don't know if anyone will remember, but in the late 1980s a guy tried to kill an entire family because they wouldn't turn their radio down. Anyway, in the acknowledgments a lawyer was thanked for suppling legal advice and "wicked wit." My first thought was, "Why didn't any of that make it into the book? I like wicked wit."

Well, as you see, I still have some work to do. Hopefully I have come far enough along that my backslides are minimal to my overall progression. Ah well, only time will tell.

It's not the air that's trying to kill you dear.

2010-08-03T16:53:00.008-05:00

A while ago, and to select friends, I made mention that the Nebraskan air is tyring to kill me. I thought that, in the interest of fair reporting, I should mention that I went for allergy testing yesterday. Here's how I learned that my body has a death wish.

After listening to my symptoms, the woes/inadequacies of current/past medications, and making sure I was a good girl and abstained from antihistamines for the past 72 hours, I was tested for the more common indoor/outdoor allergens. If you don't know how this is done, I'll explain. A group of allergens are preloaded on to a tray. The tray is then pressed into your back. It both drops a bit of serum and creates a small scratch. Then you wait, for 15 minutes, while your body does what it does. In my case, that was react.

Apparently I am not allergic to mold, dogs, or the vast majority of trees. Out of 14 weeds they tested for, I am allergic to 11...including hemp. That explains why my necklace always makes me itch...I thought it was a texture thing. Out of the 11 grasses that they tested for, I am allergic to 10 of them. But don't worry. We can still have a nice, lush, green lawn of corn out front. In keeping with the total truth theme, I am allergic to three of the 17 trees that were tested for. And, as Nick likes to keep pointing out, I am a little bit cat allergic.

I first suspected that there would be many reactions when four minutes after the test was started my back felt like it was smoldering. Thankfully, just before it erupted into flames, the doctor came back and said, "It looks like you're in the right clinic."

Decisions so far? We're still getting a cat. And I was lied to. I've never, EVER, seen a mosquito bite that made a red spot bigger than a quarter and a bump the size of a penny. I looked like I was beat with a belt!

Family Vacations!

2010-07-25T00:21:00.003-05:00

Nick and I just got back from our first official family vacation.

Instead of putting the anticipated 4k miles on our car, we decided to rent a car. A Hyundai this time. It drove OK, but had huge blind spots in the back...kind of scary knowing how many short people would be around us. It was a grey/green color, which, according to the rental agreement, was beige. Anyway, I digress.

We spent a few days in Southern Idaho, for the Ellis family reunion. It was very enjoyable. I got to spend 6 hours outside, in a single day! Of course, I had to spend all but 4 hours of the next day hiding from all things green. We played a game of Ultimate organized by Nick's nephew. I seriously don't think he could have set up the teams any more in his favor. :) We raced plastic ducks, and blew one up with a firecracker. We raced pinewood derby cars, Lego cars, matchbox cars, high heels, and pretty much anything else that had wheels, or could have wheels added to it. And, of course, good food and company overflowed. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know my new family a little bit better; hopefully I didn't scared them too much.

After a few days, we jumped back into our 'beige' car and drove down to Southern Utah to visit my family. Life in St. George is very much different, and people are rarely found outside (for more than 15-20 minutes anyway) between the hours of 10 am to 5 pm. We managed to have some fun though. We went swimming at the Washington community center. We were finally able to pry my black powder gun from my Dad's hands. We found some odds and ends for the apartment (like an $80 art piece for only $16). And we can't forget the shooting. I am proud to admit that, despite the peer-pressure, I remain a 3.5" shell virgin. That, and a tomato makes a very satisfying shotgun target.

We then jumped back into the car, and spent the night in Salt Lake City. We had dinner with a friend and her new fiance. Nick was adamant about getting a hotel room with a Jacuzzi tub. He then proceeded to draw a romantic bubble bath. I was unconcerned at the first large squirt of dish soap. (That's right, my allergies have reduced me to dish soap!) Mildly amused at the second, and faintly alarmed at the third. Since there wasn't a fourth, I figured it was OK. Once the jets were turned on, the bubbles took over. It literally took us an hour to clean up. I feel sorry for anyone who draws a bath in that tub, and doesn't want bubbles. They won't get it for the next month or so!

Then we jumped back into the car and drove home. Now we are wishing we had a maid to unpack for us.

Isn't technology great?

2010-06-18T00:51:00.009-05:00

We are having phone issues.

Maybe it's because we have finally got to the point where we have a little money to play with. Maybe it's because our 'Utah' phones don't like the 'Nebraska' humidity. (I know that I don't) Or it might be the fact that we both have been off contract for about five years now, and our phones would be great-great-great-grandparents if they were actually able to copulate. Wow, that's a visual I really didn't need.

Anyway, Nick's phone had it's final 'senior moment' last month. Nick knows what phone he wants, he just wants his arm and leg more. We figured that since I just want a phone (not a spreadsheet, media player, note pad, calculator, hopscotch taw, and whatever else you can think up ... oh, and it would be nice if it could make calls too) we would get me a new phone now, and Nick one when we can afford the one he really wants. If it can, in truth, be called a phone.

So, I got a new phone. Nick took charge of my old phone....and the centipede game. *sniff* However, today decided it to play dead. (The phone. Centipede still whops!) We are currently in the process of reviving it. Luckily we found some help.

Lucky because I hate fruit cake...I don't care who made it. If it has candied fruit, it's the nastiest thing on the planet. We read the post out loud to the phone (just to let it know what was coming should it decide not to cooperate) and decided to skip down to step six. That, and I don't think that we would have had much luck with number 5 either.

Random thoughts

2010-06-02T15:04:00.007-05:00

Just a few random thoughts to brighten your day.

~*~ The other day I was thinking of the movie "The Bucket List." It lead me to consider what might be on my bucket list. After pondering this for a moment, I asked Nick what would be on his bucket list.

He wants to go to Australia and hunt donkey, cat, kangaroo, and anything else they will let him chase with a gun. My first thought? "You want to go to Australia and chase some tail?"

~**~ I love the Bob and Tom show. After all, without it, how else would I hear about the Pakistani spy that was caught in India this week. It is a pigeon. It is being held without visitors.

~***~ On the way to Wal-Mart we pass a giant field. It's about to be turned into condos. In the mean time, it's being used to grow hay (or whatever becomes hay...a farmer, I am not).

Here's the process of harvesting hay...from my perspective, of course.

The hay is cut, and arranged into lines...like cocaine.
Several tractors fight to see who gets to snort the lines. (Note to self, I need to get up earlier so I can watch the brawl.) In the process of snorting, they defecate all over the field.
*HeHe* Tractor scat.
Finally, another tractor comes along and arranges the scat. Kind of like a dung beetle who's lost it's appetite. Although, it could have started to read right wing literature.

I got ran off the road...On the freeway...By a cop!

2010-04-23T17:12:00.011-05:00

So, after a title like that I'm sure your expecting something good. I hope I don't disappoint.

Last night it rained. It didn't just rain, it really pored. Last night also happened to be supper club...in Aurora. (Sorry about the use of "supper" Jessie, but that's what they call it. I'd try to change it, but I'm a noob.) Aurora is an hour away from Kearney, on the freeway...with good traffic.

We left at 5:30ish, and enjoyed the drive down. Dinner was great...I had a pineapple braut...Nick is so jealous. He didn't want to come; he wanted date night with the computer. That left him walking to the store to get milk, in order to make macaroni and cheese for dinner. I'd feel bad for him but, he asked for it. He knew that we were grilling brauts. When it was clear that he wouldn't be doing the gardening he wanted to do, I asked him three times if he wanted to change his mind. He was very sure.

During dinner, the barbecue was smoking enough to draw attention. Flames were reported, and the man of the house ran out to check on it. Turns out the wheel was on fire. Melted it clean off. We had a good laugh about that one. In addition to dinner we chatted, I heard the absolutely funniest story that I've ever heard in my life (quadruple bonus points for it being true). We saw the box garden and the snake pit (Nick made me promise to take a pic). Unfortunately 9:00 rolled around, and we had to go. It was dark, and it was raining a little.

Twenty minutes into the drive, it started to really rain...not a regular heavy rain, but a Noah heavy rain. Me, who believes that speed limits are for the imagination challenged, actually slowed down to 55, and at times was going 45! The car was handling good, visibility was seriously that poor. This white car blasted past us...he must have been going 80.

Several semis pasted us. It took nearly 2 minutes for the water spray to clear out so I could see the lanes again. Next a cop passed us, going about 70 without his emergency lights on. A few minutes later another cop passes us, with his emergency lights on. By this time we have speculated that the white car has crashed, and would be burning except for the torrential downpour that was occurring.

The next moment I see several cop cars ahead (one moving and the other not), and it looks like they have shut down the left lane. As I get closer, I realize that this is not the case. The cop car has just his emergency lights on and is parked directly in my lane. I'm not exactly sure how I avoided hitting him without loosing control, or hitting the car on the side of the road, but some how I did. Our guardian angels must have either got hazard pay or quit that night. However, I really wasn't thinking straight after getting run off the road, so it didn't occur to me that they were probably using one car to close down the two lane freeway.

I slowed down enough to think about what I should do...I didn't want to exit (which was conveniently there) but at the same time I couldn't see anyone ahead on the road. The other cop made a U turn, so I decided that I would get out of the way and wait for instructions. I must inform you, he isn't going to make Santa's "nice" list this year. There was no "We're closing the freeway, you'll have to exit" or "There's been an accident, exit here" not even an "Exit. Freeway's closed." Instead he said "Exit Now. Idiot."

No one in the car (there were four of us) understood that they were closing the freeway...and all of us thought he was a jerk. Several people said that they would have kept driving past the exit. The interchange was a mass of confusion. One car was backing down the middle of the road. A semi was trying to figure out what the car was doing, while hoping he wouldn't have to back up. Both got on the freeway. The rain was still pouring down. Since we were already called idiots once, we decided to not tempt fate and took the highway.

Just as we got on the highway, the rain let up...it didn't stop, but it wasn't trying to drown us any more. Fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes later the highway crosses the train tracks. At this intersection there is a stop sign. While I was stopping, the sounds from the road (damn cement roads...why can't Nebraska have good old asphalt roads?! OK, end rant.) died down enough that I could hear a squeaking sound. I couldn't figure out what it was. I was sure that we were too far from the accident to hear any sirens, and it didn't quite sound like a siren anyway. When I figured out it was the windshield wipers, we all had a good laugh.

I guess that's all that there is. We got home. We made good time too, considering the above. I still don't know why they closed the freeway. I wasn't able to find it on line, or on the news this morning. I'm going to develop an inferiority complex if it was just to call me an idiot.

HERMITS...unite?

2010-04-20T08:11:00.003-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that I am socially awkward. I'm sure that my chemistry classes had a good laugh over Mitch trying to get a feel for how I would respond to him asking me out (something I realized about a year too late). But, as a scientist, I come by it honestly. I offer the following as proof:

An engineer is riding his new bike to class. In front of the building he meets a classmate, who notices the sweet new ride. He asks if the bike is new. The first engineer responds "Yes, yesterday this beautiful blonde rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'You can take anything you want.'" The second engineer said, "You made a good choice. I doubt the clothes would have fit."

If you want more jokes like this, it was found here.

Think Geek

2010-03-26T14:17:00.010-05:00

OK, I'll admit that...my skin barely sees enough sunlight to make the vitamin D I need to survive, I spend nearly every waking hour with my nose buried in a book or the computer, and I have sudoku on my phone...but does that make me a geek?

One of my best friends sent me a link to a geek test, because she was curious about my score. (Does that make me a geek?) I was curious too...so I took the test. She felt it was a crime I didn't get 100%, but I was shocked that I scored as high as I did. Take the test, leave a comment with your score (please...I want to see), THEN read on.

I must admit, I really don't know what is geeky...but this quiz brought up a few things that I would like to address:

Spending time on a computer for fun, does not make you geeky. It's what you do on said computer that makes you geeky. I am sure that there are plenty of non-geeky things to do on a computer...I just don't enjoy any of them.
***SPOILER ALERT***James Maxwell could have been a lucky guess. You're not geeky till you know what he's famous for....and can derive it in less than half a page.
This is a very tech-savoy age...who doesn't know how much RAM their computer has.
A high GPA doesn't necessarily mean geeky...you may have majored in underwater basket weaving.
Yes, the real element is there...OK, that was geeky.
Why does only having a few friends make you geeky?
Those pointy ears stick out!
Just because I choose a TI over an HP doesn't mean I'm geeky! True the HP is the better calculator (at least they were when I was buying calculators), but they speak backwards Pollock.
Just because you know that they are programming languages doesn't mean that you know what to do with them.
Multi-colored notes are pretty!

So, have I been dethroned?

12 Steps--Steps 8 & 9

2010-03-01T21:55:00.004-06:00

Contrarry to what Nick may think, I am absolutely willing to make amends for all wrongs I have caused (both actual and perceived). I am making a start here. Most of these wrongs can be found here, and here.

The logical result of having a can of pressurized soda and a bonfire in close proximity is to put said soda in the bonfire. I am eternally sorry that I made this logical no-no. I will no longer put A&W ANYTHING in a humongous pile of ashes...no matter how tempting it is...no matter who is with me.
If you ask someone "What happens if you don't want to go to heaven?", the logical response is "Go to hell then." I am very sorry, and will never again view the world in such a black and white...logical...way. There are multiple places that someone could end up after death...they could be reborn as a brussel sprout...or they could stay here and avoid the light. Whichever.
People can double underline phrases for many different reasons. I will no longer assume that it is the funniest reason that it could be. My apologies to Joseph Smith. I'm sure your spelling was supurb...unlike mine...for which spell check was invented.
I am sorry that I abused my powers of persuasion, to have a clean bedroom for two weeks. Never again will I use logic in a way that is counter productive to another person's sleep cycle...no matter how messy my bedroom is...no matter how erratic that sleep cycle was in the first place. The living room may be an entirely different matter though.
Even though "we kicked your butt" was a logical summation of the basketball game, I understand that it wasn't in good sportsmanship. I will never again suggest a end-game rally cry based upon a logical game summation. From now on, I will use a constructive critique of the opposing team's game...."the ball goes in the hoop" would have been a better cheer.
No longer will I eat all of a treat, simply because it is there. Yummy it may be, but the hips never forgive!
I will no longer be an enabler to the spread of the sarcastic T-shirt. I am sorry to those that I got hooked, and if you want counseling to stop I have a number for you. 1-800-9327948. (Virtual cookies to the first person who correctly figures out what it spells)
From now on, whenever I think of a logical (and totally gut-wrenchingly funny) comment, I will bite my tongue and count to ten. Then, if it is still appropriate, I will share. It is true that the head is an appendage. It was not appropriate to point that out in Relief Society. Even if the given definition was "something that is attached, but not important to the main body." It kills the mood of the meeting (plus, I no longer have anyone to share with).

Ok. So, these seemed to be the highlights of what was on my moral inventory. If you know of an instance where I used logic and I shouldn't have, or someone was harmed (rightfully or not) please leave a comment. I will add an apology there as well.

It's that time again?!

2010-02-03T10:33:00.012-06:00

The new year has come and gone, and I haven't posted any New Year Resolutions! For those of you who don't know my take on the making of new year's resolutions, it can be found here. If you are confused at the end of this post, you might want to check it out.

First, an up-date on 2008's resolutions. I didn't accomplish any of them (even with the extra year). To date: I still cough at the mention of a cigarette, haven't touched a drop of alcohol (Oh, not true! I did pass the wine bottle at supper club.), and only gained 9kg.

**does a happy jig**

Welcome 2010! (Only 2 more years before the Aztecs have to buy a new calendar)

This year I resolve to:

To start reading right wing literature. I've been telling Nick that it will rot your brain, now it's time to prove it. As an added bonus, this will turn me into a monkey. As a monkey, I can fling poo at people I don't like. (Resolution #2 is in response to Nick's counter argument that being a monkey will decrease my creativity.)
All poo to be flung will be sculpted.
Become disorganized. OCD is quickly becoming the bane of my life. Case in point: a pile of clean dish cloths out side of the drawer isn't too bothersome (at least not more than a pile of anything else would be). However, once they make it into the drawer they MUST be folded neatly (and categorized as to style and size), or I loose sleep.

**Raises soda pop** Here's to a new year. Good luck with your new year resolutions. I'll do my best with mine.

PARTAY!

2010-01-20T12:45:00.003-06:00

Yea! We're officially DINKS!

Since we've moved to Kearney, Nick has had an eye on a job that Builder's Warehouse (kind of a Home Depot type store) wanted to hire for. Nick is now their new assistant controller. I freely admit that I'm accounting stupid, and only have the vaugest idea of what he does (see side note 1).

He started yesterday, and so far he loves it. When it looked like he was going to get the job, I asked him what he wanted to do to celibrate. His answer was so typical Nick that we had to do it. He wanted to eat at "Nick's Gyros." They were yummy (see side note 2).

~**~Side notes~**~

1. For a while now, I've been trying to think up a post that would make Nick comment. Here's to hoping that I've finally suceeded!

2. Nick had lamb, and I had chicken. Nick tried to get me to taste his, but there isn't a job in the world that would make lambs good for anything other than looking at.

Who says sience isn't funny?

2009-12-03T13:15:00.003-06:00

A call for prayers

2009-10-23T10:22:00.004-05:00

If you have a few extra minutes when you are praying, would you please pray for my sister, Jenn. She has just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The good news is that they think that it was caught early, so everyone is still very optimistic.

12 Steps--Step 7

2009-10-22T11:01:00.019-05:00

I know, I know, it's been forever since I've last turned my attention to my logic problem. The other night Nick even mentioned that I was slipping.

So, I give you step 7: a prayer for total wholeness.

For this prayer, I'll be modifying "Jack's Lament" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. For those of you who read fan fiction, the usual disclaimers apply. For those of you who don't, I don't own the rights to this song, or anything in The Nightmare Before Christmas. To my knowledge all of that belongs to Tim Burton, Danny Elfman, Touchstone Pictures, Walt Disney Pictures, and others more fortunate than myself. If you want to sue me for all that I own, just let me know. I'll mail you a check for $16.27, COD of course. It will be split equally in the event of multiple notifications.

A Prayer for Total Wholeness:

There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best

For my talents are renowned far and wide.
When it comes to logic, laced with sarcastic wit
I excel without ever even trying.
With the slightest little effort of my eclectic mind
I've seen grown men give out a shriek.
With the fewest of words, and a well placed fact
I've seen the very boldest become meek.

Yet day after day, it's the same old string,
And I grow so weary of this endless fiend.
And I am the logic queen
Who's grown so tired of the same old thing.

Oh somewhere deep, all on it's own
An emptiness began to grow.
There's something out there, far from my home

A longing that I've never known.

A master of inference, reason always reigns.
This devil never seemed so fair.
To my friends it's amusing, when the unsuspecting
can not escape my logical snare.

In banter or argument, no fact is safe
Any and all will be used in deductions.
No animal or man reasons like I can
with the fury of my suppositions.

But who here would ever understand
That the logic queen, with the nimble mind
Would tire of her crown, if they only understood
She'd give it all up if she only could.

Oh there's an empty place in my bones
That calls out for something unknown
The fame and praise come year after year
Does nothing for these empty tears.

Dinner and a show....In this economy?!

2009-10-16T17:07:00.011-05:00

So, now I have evidence that someone else things Nick is a hot stud. Well...I did, until we used said evidence to see "9" last night. The other day, someone gave Nick some free movie tickets at work. I asked why (that's usually my first question to just about everything), and he didn't know. I assumed that whoever it was thought he was irresistible. That was, until he told me it was a guy...then it got too creepy to think about.

We showed up at the theater half an hour early. Not because we wanted a good seat, but because there wasn't enough time to go to dinner before the movie started. Since the movie was free, we got a popcorn to share. We had the theater to ourselves until right before the previews ended, when a small family (two kids) came in. Amazingly, they were quiet! It was like having the theater to ourselves. The movie was good...just good. Nick didn't like it, and I have to agree that it didn't live up to the promises made by the trailer.

Afterwards we went to KFC. It's been a while since we went there, and I really wanted a nice, hot pot pie. When we get there, we're asked the second most famous fast food question..."Dine in, or to go?....The dinning room closes in 15 minutes." I guess take out it is. We then give our order, and the night's true entertainment began.

They don't have pot pies...a whole pan of them got dropped earlier and they lost six...the last six...it's been like a Monday today. They don't have the chicken fillets either...they were a promotional item...they've been back ordered for three months now. We ask if there is anything else that they're out of, and get a list of five things...including the original recipe. We finally piece together a meal from what they do have. The cashier throws in a free drink to apologise for the meager selections. Grand total...$8! There's no way that's going to be enough food. Nick asks for a couple of chocolate chip cookies...they don't have cookies. I get the distinct feeling that, if it were possible, the cashier would rather run home and bake cookies instead of admitting that they were out. He threw in some brownie bites, for free. While we were paying Nick observed, "That's the first time that I had to bargain for fast food."

The poor cashier! He was trying really hard to keep us from getting annoyed, and we were too busy enjoying the hilarity of the situation to be annoyed.

Semi-private theater...$0
Medium popcorn with butter...$4.95
Dinner at KFC...$7.56

The first Thursday date-night....priceless

How to know you're a chemist

2009-10-09T18:42:00.010-05:00

Several years ago one of my friends had a roommate that thought he wanted to be a chemist. She thought we should hook up, and hosted a dinner. We didn't hook up. (Side Note: I wouldn't know what to do with a Freshman any more than a Freshman would know what to do with me.)

All through dinner, he kept asking me what makes a good chemist. I honestly answered his question, but I don't think that he was very satisfied with my answer. I think that he was looking for a laundry list of qualities that he could check off. The chemists that I've met in my short career make me doubt that such a list exists. There are so many different subdisciplines of chemistry, that the best marker of whether you would make a good chemist is whether or not you like chemistry.

However, in my old age, I'm starting to feel a little sorry for Jack*. I thought that I would post a list of items that I have found on various websites that will allow him to gauge his progress to becoming a chemist, or at least tell whether or not he wants to be come a chemist. So, in true Jeff Foxworthy style....

You know you're a chemist if....

1. Your favorite activity is testing the water in the fish tank – and you don't even have any fish.. (if you have fish, you are a biochemist).
2. You think that fresh air smells bad.
3. You know that Anal. Chem. is not the title of a raunchy video.
4. All your scars are not from bar fights but from chemical burns.
5. You BBQ with the bunsen burner.
6. Your kids ask you how Santa fits through a small chimney you reply, "Duh, tunneling effect."
7. You've had an hour long discussion with a health nut about what 'organic' really means.
8. You think people are lazy for calling 1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione (or 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine) caffeine.
9. You habitually wash your hands BEFORE and AFTER using the restroom.
10. You refer to drinking any alcoholic drink as a hydroxyl group analysis.
11. You hum "dilution is the solution to pollution" while looking at a sink or urinal.
12. You look at yourself in the mirror and you say "damn I'm chiral!"
13. You consider adjusting your glasses a calibration.
14. You buy a sleeping bag, but it will never be used outdoors.

And the best indicator that you are a chemist is....

15. You've spent 30 minutes trying to explain to someone just how funny an item on this list really is! (#6 got me. Poor Nick. If you want to understand it, send me an e-mail and I'll explain. I won't promise you'll think it's funny, but you will understand.)

*name changed to protect the innocent.

The 30 minute Safari

2009-09-22T08:17:00.007-05:00

I'm a firm believer in day dreaming. I've always thought that if a child is found to be daydreaming when they shouldn't, they should be guided gently back to the task at hand. There is much harm that can be done to the critical thinking process when the imagination is curbed.

I went on an African safari last night. We spent days driving around the Savannah. We saw a pack of lazy lions. The king sunning himself on pride rock, overlooking his domain. We drove through acres of zebras, black and white strips mingling until we didn't know where in the herd we were. There was a group of hippopotami in one of the rivers we crossed. Three took notice of us. One snorted, spraying two water jets out of it's nose, while the other two gleeked. All the while countless birds surrounded the local water hole.

In the evenings, we sat around the campfire while the guides sang songs filled with tribal history and lore. It was quite peaceful, the soft glow from lanterns and stars adding to the relaxing atmosphere.

But all things must come to an end. Nick came home; I had to shut off the CD player, and get out of the tub. Next time, I think I'll travel the plains with the Paiute Indians.

Lab rat skin

2009-09-09T12:45:00.006-05:00

Here in Kearney there is a pond that people are allowed to swim in. It's a little bit scary. They put something in the water that makes it green, and kind of thick. Nick thinks it's to keep algae from growing, and I tend to lean towards algae. Anyway, it also keeps you from seeing your feet. I don't like to not see my feet. Like I said, it's scary.

Nick was wearing his patented swim shirt, and I was just wearing my new swim suit. Needless to say, my shoulders, back, and neckline were exposed for the second time this year. Luckily no one looked directly at them; I would hate to blind someone. It started to get chilly (at least I thought so) after an hour or so. We got out and laid in the sun for 10-15 minutes to dry our suits before heading home. That's the only time that Nick took off his shirt. Nick's face was looking a little pink, so we left.

Both of our shoulders burned. Again, I ask, who has the lab rat skin?

"You're cute, and I love the way you use big words in your sleep"

2009-08-03T13:31:00.007-05:00

"Why do you want a non-Newtonian liquid?" Confused? So was I. This was the first thing that I heard Saturday morning.

Apparently Friday night, I rolled over and said "I want a non-Newtonian liquid." I don't remember doing it, but he insists that it happend. Why is it that everyone who shares a bed room with me has nothing better to do than think up weired things for me to say while I'm sleeping?

Anyway, at his confused look, I explained how much fun could be had by playing with one (The Big Bang Theory showed the guys playing with starch water and a speaker. **see video above** I highly recommend trying it!). He then proceeded to say, and coincidentally what is now my favorite quote, the title of this blog entry.

Tweakin' Rabbits!

2009-07-21T19:19:00.010-05:00

By way of introduction, the Flinn chemical storage system (which we are using in the stock room) classifies any chemical with a LD50 less than 250 mg/Kg as a severe poison. They further recommend that severe poisons are stored in a locked cabinet. So, I was searching for an archive of LD50's. I didn't find one. However, I did find this. While it wasn't what I was looking for, it definitely was entertaining.

For those who don't know what a LD50 is, it is a dosage (reported in amount of substance per kilogram of animal body weight) that will kill half of a population in a given time. If you want to know more...well, you're online...look it up!

So, back to the bunnies! For Psilocybin, the intravenous LD50 is about the same for rats and mice (280 and 285 mg/Kg respectively). However, for rabbits it's much, much less 12.5 mg/Kg. The moral of the story? Rabbits can't handle their 'shrooms!

Thanks go to Replay 13, who posted this image on photobucket. If you want it removed, just say so.

Hello Nebraska

2009-06-06T16:05:00.003-05:00

So, we've been in Nebraska for about a week now. I've made a few observations, that in my opinion, everyone should consider before joining us out here. For instance...

1. It's flat. I still can't figure how people tell what way is north. I'm getting a little paranoid. Why do I need to see so far?

2. The air is trying to kill me! Everyone here is so OCD about their yard. While it's very pretty to look at, all the grass pollen isn't good for me.

3. People here actually obey the speed limit. I've always considered the speed limit to be a suggestion, and to only be followed if you are suffering from a serious lack of imagination. Here, if they're not going the speed limit, they're going five under.

4. The kindness is going to take some getting used to. At Walmart when you arrive at an intersection at the same time as another shopper, they actually stop! They even go as far as to insist that you go first. I swear, they even slow down when you're trying to get on the road. It's getting seriously annoying.

5. The people may be cautious, but the squirrels aren't. On campus the other day, I saw three squirrels out in the middle of the lawn (not the same lawn). Up to this point the only squirrels I've seen were running from bush to bush. I sat in an adjacent lawn, to watch one of them, while I ate lunch. I think it was trying to scare me off! Thank goodness that crow chased him away; I think I was getting a goosebump.

6. I don't think that I've ever seen so many road kill rabbits before. Today, we passed three in a two mile strech of road. I've yet to see an alive rabbit...apparently, no one else sees them either.

7. The main rental agency isn't interested in renting apartments. Odd, considering that they own most of them. I've called them several times. Each time, I got the distinct impression that I've woke the guy up; and he would really like to go back to bed, but the phone was annoying him. Needless to say, we didn't rent from them.

Well, like I said, we've only been here for a week. I'm sure that there is plenty more that will take some getting used to. All in all, I think that I am going to enjoy it here. We've found a place, and should be able to move in next week. I really enjoy my job, and I've even made some progress on the chemical storage. I can't wait to see what what happens next.

Good-bye Planet Utah

2009-05-22T17:11:00.012-05:00

Now that I'm no longer living in Utah, I thought I'd take some time to list a few things that I will miss. So here they are (in no apparent order, of course).

I miss...

1. the University of Utah. I have made many friends there, and I am sad I won't see them every day. Believe it or not, I'm even missing having to track down Chuck. It makes me sad to think that I've heard him say "I'm only here for a minute, but you wanted to see me..." for the last time.

2. the traffic humor. I was curious about this 'traffic congested area', so I checked it out one night. Just my luck, it was a slow night.

3. the freak of the week. How am I going to live if I don't get to hear about all the wannabe Darwin Award recipients out there? My favorite one happened in Utah. A kid tried to steal a car. He missed the fact that there was a cop was sitting in it. Here's my favorite part. When the cop made his presence known, the kid crapped his pants, putting quite the damper on his get-a-way.

4. the marque signs. Yes, Nebraska has them, but they just are not the same. I really miss the sign that said "Bobby told me to put something up here, but I can't remember what."

5. being close enough to family that we could visit regularly. What was a 4 to 6 hour drive is now a 15 to 20 hour drive. Some may say that's still too close, but I really love the red sands of St. George. I also love the sign on I-15 that says "Idaho is too great to litter." Silly me...I thought Idaho didn't litter because it wasn't sentient.

6. fighting with the TGA. I'm going to miss Steve. If you have a problem with a TGA, call Steve. He'll know how to fix it. Never mind that he's the sales rep. That must be why he can tell when I'm joking! Surprisingly enough, I'm even going to miss the techs that don't know a joke when they hear one (I know that super glue out gasses in a vacuum. Seriously, I was joking when I asked if I could super glue it back together.)

7. public transportation. UTA has opened my eyes to a whole new world, and it's completely full of crazy people. Let's see....there was the guy who wanted to put nitro glycerin in his diesel fuel, a 50/50 mixture of course....the guy who dared me to give him my phone number....the guy who asked me to marry him....after that, I stoped taking TRAX after dark.

8. the protesters at temple square. Not necessarily the protesters themselves, more their signs. One time someone was picketing with an Oreo cookie advertisement.

9. the weather. If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. It'll change! Of course, if it changes to something you don't like, you only have to endure it for five minutes.

Were moving!

2009-05-06T13:43:00.004-05:00

The rumors are true, we are officially moving to Kearney, Nebraska next month. You are reading the blog of the new Instrumentation Technician at the University of Nebraska at Kearney (assuming the background check goes well).

I applied for this job while Nick was still in Nebraska. At first we did a telephone interview, and I seriously thought that I blew it. (I have never really caught on to the whole self promotion thing that is so essential for job interview success.) A week later they decided that they wanted to fly me out there.

I went, and all five of the questions that I prepared to ask were answered in the first ten minutes of the first interview. And wouldn't you know it, I couldn't think of a single new question to ask! What a time to develop stage fright. I felt like such a heel, not asking any questions.

I was wined and dined in fine style. I stayed at a nice hotel, ate cheesecake at Old Chicago, and went in the very first Cabela's. I got a tour of the campus and the town. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The faculty was enthusiastic, full of new ideas and eager to teach. They displayed many of the qualities that are common to my favorite professors. I was impressed from the onset by the variety of instrumentation available for student use. And I love their vision of teaching through hands on research. Needless to say, I was impressed and excited for the opportunity to work with them.

The flight back was quite a bit bumpier, and I almost didn't make it without being sick. Can you imagine getting sick on the plane, while the airports are blaring the latest breaking news of the 'swine flu'?! I would have been horrified. Luckily my flight was late, and I missed the connecting flight out of Denver. That gave me some time to get my rebellious stomach under control. It was still noon the next day before I could walk without the fear of showing everyone what I ate for breakfast, and well into the evening before I felt back to 100%.

They called to offer me the job before my stomach even settled. I asked for a couple of days to decide. I had to make sure that Nick was really ok with moving out there, and that we were ok (if not optimistic) about his job prospects there. I also had to wrap my head around the idea that we really were going to move twice in as many months! That's what I get for staying in the same place for three years. Thank goodness I insisted that we keep most of our moving boxes!

It's pic time!

2009-04-22T13:03:00.021-05:00

Ok, I now have the time to post. First, at the temple. This pic was actually taken on March 26. That way, on the 27th, we could run from the temple to the kabobs. We knew that the kabobs were the real reason for everyone to get together, and we didn't want any unnecessary delay.

Here's what we looked like at the reception. When I told my mom I was going to be wearing jeans to my reception, she told me that I had to stand out. That's when the t-shirt idea was born. Thanks go to Jen, who made these for us!

As I stated in the previous post, the kabobs were to die for! Oh, they were sooooooo yummy! When I went to say goodbye to my Grandma before she left, she kept eying my kabob. It took me nearly ten minutes to convince her that it was ok to take it from me, and I could go get another one. Time well spent.

We had to do something to break the tedium of a ten hour car drive, so we stopped at as many tourist traps as possible. And took pictures of all the state signs we passed. This was my favorite. It was located just outside of Four Corners Park. Which, by the way, closes at 5. We stopped to see the Glen Canyon Dam, in Page, Arizona. We were hungry, and while looking for Burger King we found the "Dam Plaza" which held the "Dam Bar and Grill" and the "Dam Outlet." However, our stomachs growled and we continued our search. My heart fell when we saw "Page High School," I love the idea of someone graduating from the "Dam High School." Even if it wouldn't be me.

There was a dinosaur track exhibit that we stopped at. The guide explained this picture the best, so I'll quote. "This is a dinosaur egg. They're pretty sure it is, but they could be wrong." I swear, he didn't show any signs of being drunk or stoned, but he sure sounded like he was. I think that he was the most entertaining part of the exhibit. We got to see fossilized dinosaur poop....and see how the guides arranged it into the shape of a turtle. We got to see where they dug a tooth out of the rock....not the tooth itself, just the hole. There were many dinosaur tracks there. Most of them were believed to be velosaur raptor prints, but then again, they could be wrong.

We finally reached the cave! It was awesome! There was a replica of a kiva. It was a replica because it hadn't been blessed. (The manager's words, not mine.) There was a washer, dryer, and a microwave. If you wanted to use the microwave you had to turn off all the space heaters. Otherwise you would blow circuits. They had a counter top oven and stove. Seriously, it was all one unit and sitting on the counter top. Then there was the water fall shower and Jacuzzi tub. We thought that it was very considerate of them to provide the bubbles for our bubble fight. I've got to get a Jacuzzi tub!

Out on the balcony they had a place to feed the squirrels, so we did. There was this one really old, fat, and slow squirrel. We're thinking that he ate about 3/4 of the food we put out all by himself. Three chipmunks showed up as well. They were terrified of this old squirrel. They would alternate between chasing each other off, and stealing food from the "old squirrel's" pile. Toward the end, two other squirrels showed up. They didn't move in slow motion, and were able to chase all the chipmunks and the old squirrel away. They were less effective in chasing each other away, though they did try.

While at the cave we went to Aztec, New Mexico and saw the "Aztec" ruins there. And yes, they freely admit that the ruins are most likely Anasazi and Pueblo, not Aztec. We also tried to visit several museums. Nothing was open! It was highly frustrating....until it occurred to us that every church parking lot was full. It was Sunday. It is really hard to keep track of time when you are living in a cave.

Our final night there, it snowed. Just a light dusting, but enough to knock out half of the power. Not half of the power like you are thinking, but half of the outlets in each room went out. We decided to get an early start back.

The drive back was fairly uneventful. Except for a large semi that threw a rock at us. It put a rock chip in the windshield that was a centimeter in diameter! When we got it fixed, I learned that my windshield is 6 years old, almost to the day. I only thought it was two or three. They grow up so fast.

Family drama, when it rains it pours....

2009-04-08T14:22:00.006-05:00

You know, for most families a wedding is enough drama for at least a week or two. However, my family has never been typical. We like things to come in threes. In rapid secession.

I didn't know this at the time, but it turns out that my wedding day was also my brother and his wife's due date. She went into labor before we went into the temple. Needless to say, they were not there, and didn't get kabobs that night. I felt really bad for them. Those were some really good kabobs. Ty and Jo really out did themselves!

After kabobs, both Nick's sisters and Jen realized that they forgot the things to decorate the car. Yea! However, Nick's sisters decided that they would use plastic forks. Nick dragged me out to the car, in an attempt to head them off. Except that would be too easy. One of Nick's friends came late...and we didn't get to leave before they found the crayons. They wrote on all of the windows. Since you can barely see it, I'm ok with leaving it until I have time to scrub it off. We were really grateful that we didn't have to stop at a car wash on the way out of town.

After the BBQ my family (sans Nick and I) got together at my parents house for a marathon gab/joke session. This is my favorite part of weddings and funerals, and I felt a little bad about missing it. Since it lasted till three in the morning, I didn't feel too bad though. That's when Jared called to say that he needed a babysitter. He was taking my sister to the emergency room. It turns out she had a gall stone blocking a bile duct. OUCH! The next day, they stole her gall bladder. While they were at the hospital, Jimmy called to have my dad help him give a blessing to his wife. They were taking her for an emergency C-section. Double and triple OUCH!!! That has it's own story, which I don't have the rights to publish. Let's just say that a malpractice suit is probably pending. I've never heard anyone say anything good about that doctor, and now I don't like him.

Everyone is home now, and doing great. Jen says that her stomach hardly hurts anymore. And, I got pics of little Kendal. He's got to be the cutest little snot I've ever seen. Looks very much like his dad did! Hopefully he won't grow out of it (just kidding....I love you Jimmy).

Ok....so now everyone knows why I haven't posted. Family drama is wonderful, isn't it?

Where did the time go?

2009-03-17T21:27:00.003-05:00

I thought that I had enough time! I remember planning it all out, down to the minute. So....why isn't all that time here?

Work has been absolutely crazy. I've been sharing the TGA with another research group who's TGA had boards fail that, according to tech support, were infallible. I have the experiments finished for the kinetic study on calcium carbonate...now all I need is the time to crunch the numbers. Now that I've heard from tech support, I can get on the decomposition studies for HMX. I believe that I have enough time to finish them. And just in case this wasn't enough going on, another group is taking custody of the TGA-MS soon. I've been working with them to ease that transition.

I believe that we have finally got everything planned for the wedding, a week from Friday. All should come. It's going to be a blast. The only way that Nick and I could stand to have a reception was to make it as non-traditional as possible. No line....no wedding cake (I don't think anyone will miss it. It's usually hard enough to stop a charging hippopotamus)....minimal flowers....BBQ....and most important, I get to wear jeans. Don't worry, I'll post pics for those poor souls who can't make it.

Now if we could only get the people who we've left apartment applications with to make a choice! Some have been trying to make up their mind for three weeks now. I think that we're good people...we're not partiers...we don't drink, smoke, or do drugs (as long as Allegra and Flonase don't count)...we don't have pets, not even fish...everyone says that we make a cute couple, whatever that means. I don't get it! What's not to love?

Ok. That's enough pity party time. I've got to get moving.

Wedding bells are ringing.

2009-02-22T13:59:00.003-06:00

This is mostly for our facebook friends, whom we don't have addresses for. If you would like a 'paper' copy give either Nick or myself a shout, call, e-mail...whatever works, and we'll be happy to send one to your doorstep. We are planning on sending them out in a couple of weeks.

Life's been good to me

2009-02-19T14:52:00.005-06:00

I am truly blessed. I find that I need to keep reminding myself of this a lot lately. The standard January depression is taking a bit longer to lift this year, any one of half a dozen reasons could be to blame.

I have a really awesome, sweet, funny, good looking...well, I could go on forever...man who is head-over-heals in love with me; and I with him. We are going to be married at the end of March, which has provided much more joy than stress. (Hopefully I haven't just jinxed that) I have many friends and family who provide love, support, encouragement, along with the occasional reality check. When I asked my advisor if it would be possible to extend my time at the University he replied "Of course." The sun peaked out of the clouds yesterday. And to top it off, I received some of the best news of my life today. My good friend Jennie, after two surgeries, has been declared cancer free! She is healing quickly, and absolutely disgusted with her level of energy. She may hate me for it, but I love the fact that she is disgusted! It shows she is well enough to care.

Well, I just wanted to take a moment to agree with Joe Walsh. Life has, indeed, been good to me.

12 Steps--Step 6

2009-02-17T16:45:00.003-06:00

Step 6: Commitment to total change.

So...last week I was visiting the blogs that I frequent. There were a few new postings, but not as many as I had hopped for. It had been quite a while since my last visits. In an effort to cheer myself up, I visited my blog. I was surprised to find myself a little miffed that there wasn't a new post here to!

What a wonderful beginning to show my commitment to total change. I was elated when the illogical feelings of 'mifftiness' fluttered across my heart! I will take this illogical start another step forward. I pledge to do at least one thing that is absolutely devoid of logic every day.

The other day I made a chocolate run, and picked up the fixin's for bean dip. Today, I kept hitting the snooze bar until I was almost late. I can count on one hand the number of times that I've done that! Maybe I'll play an evil character in Baldur's Gate. That should provide ample opportunity for illogical decisions! (The game rewards non-violent/good solutions more than violent/evil ones) I've never had the heart to do this, since I always felt bad that the plot line makes me a 8asterd. I've never had the constitution to be an evil 8asterd.

I can't wait to see the new adventures I'll have in this new, illogical world I've stepped into!

We're DINKS...as soon as we find jobs

2009-01-16T08:35:00.004-06:00

I got engaged yesterday! Since I know everyone will ask....here's the whole story.

It all started on New Year's Eve. Nick told me that he would like to go to the mall to 'look' at rings again. I almost balked. My ring was already picked out, and he wasn't much help with his ring. What was there to look at? It was a complete surprise when he bought it. We sent it off to get it sized. When we got home I asked him who I could tell that we bought my ring, and he said..."Nobody. Not until I put it on your finger." I thought that was very mean, and said so. He laughed. I reminded him that he put it on my finger at the store, and he said it didn't count unless it came with "the" question. These last few weeks have been pure torture!

Wensday night Nick asked if I wanted to go to the Olive Garden for lunch Thursday. Then he asked if I even had to go in at all. I've been training another research group on our TGA, so the last few days has been spent helping them with their research. They weren't coming in today, so I was excited about having the instrument all to my self. When I told him this, his face fell through the floor. I swear I heard it crash. Then it hit me....ring....lunch....Olive Garden....OH! I told him that we should have lunch.

Before I left, Nick got my phone and started flipping through the numbers. I debated on if I should let him find it on his own, or if I should help him. I decided to be helpful...he looked really lost flipping through the Js. I told him to try P. He asked why P, and I told him "for parents." He said "Oh," and jotted the number down. Needless to say, neither one of us slept well that night.

I went to work that morning, and let me tell you it was really, REALLY hard to concentrate on the calibration I was doing. Unbeknown to me (sort of), Nick was calling my dad. He later told me that the conversation went something like this:

"Hi Bill, this is Nick. I'm in love with your daughter, and would like to marry her."
"Who is this?"

Poor Nick! No wonder he was so nervous over lunch. After lunch, the conversation went something like this:

"Do you have to go back to work?"
"I probably should, but I don't want to. What do you want to do?"
"Let's go for a walk. Where do you want to walk?"
"Where is a good place to walk? You do more walking than I do."
"That's the problem. I've walked around the places here so often that I'm tired of them."
"Ok, where haven't you walked in a while?"
"The frisbee park." (Our first date)
"Ok, let's go there."

We get there and start to walk around. He tries to throw a snowball at me, but I make him be nice. We make it to the back side of the park, and he stops. Pulls the ring out of his pocket, and says that he has something to ask me. He gets down on one knee (in the snow no less!) and starts to pull off my right glove. It's cold, so I tell him that he has the wrong hand. We laugh, and then get engaged! One snowball fight later, and we're back to his place to call family/friends. Then comes the celebratory root beer floats. Yum!

So, now you all know the story. We're engaged!

It's so funny, I cried.

2009-01-13T00:54:00.004-06:00

I got my diploma in the mail last week. While looking at it, I thought, "what an expensive piece of paper." Is that normal? Any way, it caused me to reflect on some of the lessons that higher education taught me. I will share a few that made me laugh.

The last ten years have taught me.....

BOHICA!

If there are two instruments in the lab, they will never be working at the same time. But, if there is three or more, this can be accomplished.

Student health care is worth exactly what you pay for it, if you're lucky.

Despite the fact that you have no data or error analysis, a failed lab experiment is exponentially harder to write up than a successful one.

Sororities are not all that they are cracked up to be.

Somebody really should have shot Murphy. Preferably in the gut.

If an experiment worked the first time, something went wrong.

I really want a tee-shirt with Maxwell's equations on it.

If you want to get an instrument fixed, stop talking with the techs at tech support. The fastest way to accomplish this is to call the sales rep.

No matter how many times you tried it, it will work for your advisor/boss....on the first try....perfectly.
The techs at tech support do not have a sense of humor; any joke you crack will be taken seriously.
Looking for a job makes you feel like a mouse wearing a sign that says "Need money. Willing to endure scientific research."

Just one of those days

2009-01-07T13:53:00.023-06:00

Have you ever been in an argument that gives you the feeling that you just can't win? I bet that it felt something like this.

Thanks go to Jen, who forwarded this e-mail to me. She must have known that it belonged on my blog!

12 Steps--step 5

2009-01-05T22:49:00.007-06:00

Some of you may be like I was for the first several decades of my life. You may thinking that logic is an admirable trait in a woman, who, as a general breed, tend to be overly emotional. It is to you that I dedicate this post. I give you the next step along my path to logical independence:

5. Admission of the exact nature of our wrongs

In general, logic is not wrong. Don't get me wrong here, this is not denial speaking. Logic, like any other delectable, is wonderful...if used in moderation. This is where my sin comes in. I have this compulsive need to apply logic to everything.

You may think that this isn't so bad. You may think that you've heard of worse sins. Well....just read on. It is so bad that my favorite joke is not just one joke, but a string of jokes...that follow a logical progression. I will demonstrate:

How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
How do you put four elephants in a VW Bug?
How do you know that there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
The lion king called a meeting, which animal didn't attend?

If you were to argue that this can not be my favorite joke, since it is five jokes, I would agree with you. I would be forced to tell you that my favorite single joke was told to me by my Calculus teacher. Unlike the previous string, it is not in the least logical. You will never guess the answer. It is...What's the difference between a motorcycle. No. I didn't forget half the joke, but the guy who told it to Mr. Hunt might have.

If this wasn't bad enough, my life seems saturated by logic. It seems that the more tainted your thoughts are with logic, the more specific people have to be with you. What do you think of when a 'topless' dinner is suggested to you? My first thought (and, oddly enough, the one I voiced) was "You can take the top off your pot pie, if you want to."

Not even Sunday services are safe! One time, in church, an appendage was defined as "something that is attached to the main body, but is not necessary." Without missing a beat I leaned over to my friend and said "You know, the head is considered an appendage."

These links that my mind makes are truly scary. I'm sure that by now you all now see the dangers of letting logic creep into your thought processes. A little here and there is ok, but remain on your guard. Logic is like lays...once you start, you can't stop!

And, since I'm sure that someone will ask in the comments, here are the answers to the jokes:

Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.
Open the door, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, close the door. (What? You thought that both an elephant and a giraffe would fit in a refrigerator? Don't be silly.)
Two in the front, two in the back.
There are three in a VW Bug outside, waiting for him.
The elephant. He's still in the refrigerator.
Two ducks. (I've been told that two telephone polls is an acceptable answer, but I like ducks better. They're fluffy, and quack....and I've sounded like one for a week now. Needless to say, we're good friends now.)

Help Please!

2008-12-12T19:55:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone,

I have a friend who is going in for a biopsy on Monday. It would mean a great deal to me if you would remember her in your prayers. She is a totally awesome, very special lady. Please join with me in praying for her.

Thanks, you guys/gals are the best!

12 Steps--step 4

2008-12-12T13:06:00.012-06:00

I have a pretty bad cold, and I'm bored. You would be to if the only way you feel like you are breathing is to have the room so full of vicks vapors that it would suffocate a dinosaur. Trying to come up with something to do for the few days that I've been 'hot boxing' vicks has been a challenge. I've applied to a several jobs, caught up on all my fanfiction, played too many video/computer games, done the dishes, cleaned my room, watched all my Christmas movies, read several chapters in my book, and now I'm avoiding calling the insurance company (it's been a busy three days). I figure that the best way to do that is to blog...so without further ado:

Step 4. Moral inventory

This inventory was started quite a while ago, even before I realized that I had a problem with logic. Unfortunately most of my best examples are there. However, I do believe that I have thought of a few more things I could work on. I continue my previous list here.

I'm sorry that I...

made my brother a sarcastic sign, so my parents could keep up.
ate the whole pan of fudge. It was really good fudge, and I tried to spread it out. It took a whole week. In my defense, I told my roommates to have some, even left it in front of the fridge--with a knife, but they were not fast enough.
thought of getting my brother's soon to be born baby an onesie that had "downloading" and a completion bar printed on it. I came to my senses in time, just barely though.
wear t-shirts with sarcastic remarks on them. My favorite is "Everyone has the right to be an idiot, but you are abusing the privilege!" I like the contradiction between right and privilege...that, and it makes me feel better when I have to deal with tech support.
suggested a moment of silence for those "poor, poor field mice" in my brother's news satire skit. I probably shouldn't encourage behavior like that.
was too chicken to admit that I played the "my love life" card when the topic in Apples to Apples was "comical." It was a choice between making people laugh or playing a card that made absolutely no sense. And, I was very unsure about how Nick's family would take it.
voted for all around paper cuts for the insurance company that keeps wanting to review, instead of approve, my little brother's headache treatment.
suggested that HMX was "whacked out on weed" when we discovered an oddity in its thermal behavior.
laughed at my brother when he 'ransomed' the teacher's chalk for his confiscated lighter. This is another prime example of behavior I shouldn't have encouraged. Good thing we sent him to Chile.

I guess I need to make a statement now. I promise to try to be better, and encourage only good behavior in others. I know this will not be easy. As a kid, if it made mom laugh you didn't get punished for it. In general the 'moms' have changed, but the behavior is still there. I'm sorry, and I will strive to do better.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering about this strange brother I have, all three are represented above.

Truth is stranger than fiction

2008-11-25T12:41:00.017-06:00

Have you ever wondered why Einstein left the patent office? Possibly it was due to something like this passing over his desk.

The November 3rd issue of Chemical and Engineering News featured a mini article about a patent that was awarded in August of 2007, to Avocet Polymer Technologies. This patent (US Patent No. 7255627) is for a bra that can double as a gas mask. I know what you are thinking, only a guy would think this up. WRONG! The patent was awarded to one Elena N. Bodnar, of Hinsdale Illinois.

Several thoughts ran through my mind. 1. You've got to be kidding me. 2. How creepy. 3. Women in Illinois must wash their bra more often than I do. At least I hope so. 4. How uncomfortable, in either function.

This invention also brought up a whole lot of questions. How often do you need to change the filter? How does constant skin contact affect the lifetime of the filter? Who's breasts are in the same shape as their lower face? How do they keep air from leaking around the nose? What happens if you are a DD, do they provide a window to see out of? How would I get half of my bra back...would I even want it back? And which would be preferable, exposure to a chemical/biological agent or removing my bra in public...and then sharing it?

12 Steps--step 3

2008-11-12T23:42:00.007-06:00

3. Total surrender to God.

This has been a difficult post to write. Not because I don't believe in God; because I most assuredly do. Not because I don't do what he tells me; my track record isn't 100%, but it's up there. But because I want it to have the right mixture of insolence and reverence. I want God to read this and laugh, without giving a single thought toward the smite button. (I'd post the cartoon, but Gary Larson has requested that his cartoons not be available on the internet.) So...here we go. If I'm still around tomorrow, I guess He laughed.

I will illustrate this step with three examples, since everyone knows all things religious must be proved in threes.

I cross streets in downtown Salt Lake City. Most people think that this is taking their life into their own hands. Occasionally I would agree with them. However, since I got an iPod for Christmas, this endeavor has been getting more and more dangerous. I find it warming to look up just in time to avoid the driver that wants to turn me into chunky soup. I believe its evidence that God isn't tired of my shenanigans here on Earth, yet. Oh, and I'm sorry I swore last time.

I have been reading the Old Testament, and I'm actually enjoying it. Sure it has it's boring parts, but the interesting/funny parts are mixed in at just the right frequency. It must have been inspired. Along with all the genealogy, the wars, and where each tribe's inheritance is located, are...(1) A talking donkey; (2) paradoxes (you can't gather sticks on the Sabbath, but immediately stone the guy who did); (3) a slut who gets rewarded for blackmail; and my personal favorite (4) Moses acting like a Jewish grandmother (Because of your unfaithfulness we have had to wander in the desert for 40 years, with you whining and murmuring against God the whole time! I left you alone, for just a minute, and while I was gone you starting worshiping a golden calf! I took your idol into the wilderness, and beat it to dust. God was so ready to smite your sorry butts, but I pleaded long and hard for you! In His infinite wisdom, God had mercy upon you.). And to think, I'm only in Joshua. I can't wait to get to Samuel where, according to my roommate, there is explosive diarrhea!

Over the years I have developed a "what will be, will be" attitude. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I just sit back and watch life happening. I am always striving to improve things around me. I have, and continue to, work hard to get exactly where and what I want. I set goals, and make future plans. However, if these plans don't work out exactly the way I hoped, it isn't the end of the world. I adapt, and make new plans. In short, as long as I am treated fairly, I accept what is--and work hard to make tomorrow better. As long as I do my very best, I have faith that everything will work out as it should.

Educated Insolence

2008-11-10T15:25:00.008-06:00

What is the obsession with dressing up for Halloween? As a kid I dressed up. However, one year I was too swamped with algebra homework to go trick-or-treating. That was the last time I dressed up. Well...not exactly. I've worn a costume (sort of) three times since then.

The next year, my friends were discussing their Halloween costumes. When I didn't say anything, they asked me what I was going to be. I explained that I wasn't dressing up, and they didn't believe me. The day came where we could wear our costumes to school, and I didn't get a moment's peace. I am ashamed to admit it--on the way home, I caved. I picked up a dead leaf, and told them I had my costume. They asked me what I was, and I made them guess. There was about half a mile left in the walk home. I know what you are thinking, and I did too have an answer in mind. I just wanted to see what they would come up with. They didn't guess it, and I took pity on them. I said, "I'm a missionary." At their confused looks, I twirled my leaf and said, "my little friend has fallen away." That got laughs and them off my back. The best of both worlds.

The next time I dressed up was a few years ago. I had a roommate who wasn't going to let me not dress up. I briefly wondered what she could do to me if I didn't dress up, but in the end I decided to humor her. To the ward Halloween party I wore a baby doll t-shirt that had the yellow submarine from the Beatles's album on it. Since I frequently wore this shirt, she had to ask if I dressed up. I told her, "Yes. I'm a drug rep." It took her a minute, but she got it. I'm sorry to say that most of the people who asked me didn't. I guess that's a good sign, at a LDS party.

The last time wasn't for Halloween. I had a friend that threw a sixties dinner party. Everyone needed to come dressed up in sixties attire. When I complained that I wasn't alive in the sixties, and hence I didn't know how they dressed, she told me to watch sixties TV shows. I told her I would think about dressing up. Then I remembered, Star Trek was on air in the sixties! I went dressed as a red shirt. Complete, mini-skirt and all.

Picture Tag

2008-11-03T18:19:00.007-06:00

So...here's the rules:

Go to the third folder in your picture files.
Post the third picture.
Tag three friends.

Here's my picture. It's from the last time we went skeet hunting, last April.

I tag: Jessie, Mandy, and Bishop Glade.

My blog reading has increased since the last time I was tagged, but just barely.

Walking around without skin!

2008-10-25T17:54:00.004-05:00

Body Worlds 3 cannot be beat! I totally loved it, but then again, I enjoy looking at 'bodies without skin' as my mom puts it.

I checked out their homepage when I first heard about it, the last week in September. Since then, I have been madly trying to find someone to go with me. I decided to go alone today, since I thought that this was the last weekend. (Luckily I caught my roommate on the way out the door, and we went in together. We were quickly separated though.) However, I checked again today and you are good to go until January. Everyone should go see it! Please go see it, it's too cool to pass up.

Gunther von Hagens created this method of preserving bodies where bodily fluids are replaced by plastics. This method can be used to preserve the whole body, or only parts of the body. The bodies can then be displayed in life-like poses, and allows the viewer to see how each organ and muscle 'fits' with the rest.

My favorite exhibit was one in which they only preserved the blood vessels of the head and brain. It can be found here, they won't let me post it on my blog. (They say that they will sue me, and I don't have $1500 plus attorney fees--if I did, I would send it to them, and post the pic. They don't mention any legal action about links to the pic, which can be found from their website anyway, so I figure I'm safe. **Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.**)

They have a collection of fetuses from only a few weeks old (Where it looks like a small snot ball--I really hope that the dissector didn't have allergies, and sneezed at the wrong time. That would have been really unfortunate.) to right before birth. All the major organs are displayed, and many with diseases and tumors. I got to see a cross-section of a leg with "smoker's leg" and an ulcer. In short, it was soooooooooo cool! I'm really glad that I went.

At any rate, I think that everyone should go see the 'bodies without skin'. It is well worth the $23 to get in. Be sure to plan for it, though. The website says it takes 90 min. It would be a miracle if you could go through it in that much time. It took me over two hours!

Got Wisdom?

2008-10-17T13:58:00.014-05:00

So, now that you have taken the wisdom quiz, want to know how to get a five? Here's, in no apparent order, are the ten steps to becoming the wisest in all of the land. Sort of like the fairest of all the land, but it doesn't fade with age.

(At least according to the "Three-Dimensional Wisdom Scale--someone else might think that it's being able to write a coherent, entertaining story including: a jar of cheese whiz, Obama, three feral goats, a clothes pin, and a monkey wrench. If you do this, send it to me. I want to read!)

Be curious, and have your own opinions.
Don't settle for just the answer, find out why that's the answer.
Revel in the variety of life. Understand and enjoy the grey.
Be tolerant of others. Have compassion for all living beings.
Have a sincere desire to help everyone, and provide help where you can.
Seek to understand others, try to see things from their point of view.
Own your life. Take control of both your emotions and circumstances.
Look at all the available information before making decisions.
Once you make a decision, act upon it.
No regrets. Sure bad things happen. Learn from them, so they don't happen again.

Oddly enough, each unwise response lowers your score by 0.1. This makes 1.1 the low on the quiz, not 1. Apparently just taking the quiz increases your wisdom! To bad it's a one time deal.

12 Steps--Step 2

2008-10-15T12:35:00.013-05:00

2. Reliance upon a higher power

I have given this notion a bit of thought. And, in truth, I am having a hard time finding a power higher than logic. Not many people know that I did all my calculus homework while watching Star Trek reruns. I found that whenever I got stuck, if I watched until the next commercial break, I would be able to figure it out during the commercials. I confess...to this day, whenever I need to think about something, I turn to Star Trek.

With this dilemma in mind, I watched my favorite old school movie, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. I settled down on the bed with the remote, wishing for stereo sound and a 20' screen. I would have had popcorn, but I was all out. My hips thanked me, while my stomach cried. It's such a boob.

And there it was...right in the beginning of the movie! A magical quote, that suddenly stood out. It is in the scene where Spock and Polaris are speaking in his quarters, early in the ill fated mission to greet the Klingons. Spock says..."Logic is only the beginning of wisdom, Polaris, not the end." I have found my higher power! Now that I have cut my teeth on logic, I need to move on to the meaty goodness of wisdom.

In the search for more wisdom (yep, you guessed it...google), I came across a quiz. This quiz scores your wisdom on a scale from 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest. I took the quiz twice, just to make sure. Both times I scored a 4.4. Clearly I have gained some wisdom in my life, but there is still room for more. Any thoughts on how to obtain 0.6 bits of wisdom?

12 Steps of Normalcy--Step 1

2008-10-14T23:53:00.008-05:00

OK. If I am ever to join the ranks of normalcy, I will need to do it officially. If I do this piecemeal, I am afraid that I will end up somewhere stuck in the middle. That has to be worse than being at either end. I have decided to go through the 12 steps of normalcy. However, I do not know what these are. So...I googled it. This is what came up. I will repeat the steps here.

Admission of powerlessness
Reliance upon a higher power
Total surrender to God
Moral inventory
Admission of the exact nature of our wrongs
Commitment to total change
Prayer for total wholeness
Total willingness to amend
Making amends where possible
Continuing inventory
Prayer and meditation
Spiritual awakening

The reader is cautioned that these steps not only lead to normalcy, but a 'full spiritual regeneration'. I am not sure what is ment by this; but, if they will allow me to escape from the whip crack of logic, I'm game.

I'll take these steps in order, one at a time, providing a different post for each one. I can't promise any time frame for completion, as each step must happen in its own time. To rush the process would be a mockery.

I came close to completing step 1 in a previous post. Here, I will complete the process. *Ahem* My name is Jeramie, and I am a slave to logic. Nothing is more beautiful than a string of thoughts that neatly tie together, the next flowing naturally from the previous. When I find myself following such a path, my heart races, my eyes dilate, my palms get sweaty, and it's hard to breath through the excitement. I think Nick is getting jealous. Anyway...my name is Jeramie, and I am a logiaholic. I need help.

The Big Bang Theory

2008-10-09T20:22:00.007-05:00

Big Bang Theory rocks! I believe that I mentioned in a previous post that it is my favorite current TV show, nothing rivals Star Trek. This video is the full length theme song, created by the Barenaked Ladies. The lyrics can be found here. When I first heard it (the 16 second version) I knew I would love this show!

The show is absolutely hilarious! For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I'll explain. But first, I must say, "SHAME ON YOU!" OK, chastisement over, time for education. The show is all about how these geniuses (physics post-docs at 20ish) get along with their next door neighbor, Penny. Penny is a waitress, who has aspirations of being an actress.

To those of you who have seen it, and don't think that it correctly portrays real life, let me assure you. It does! There isn't a single neurosis shown that I haven't seen displayed, many of which I struggle with to this day. There hasn't been a single situation depicted that I haven't seen in real life; most of them I have been in. (Odd, they don't seem that funny when you're in the middle of them.) If you have ever wondered how scientists function in the 'real' world, this is it. A little hyperbolized, but then most good comedies are.

This brings me to my dilemma, and my newest neurosis. I can't decide if I find this show funny because it so aptly describes the behavior of scientists in general, or my behavior specifically. Also, I have started to lie awake at night wondering why Nick is laughing. Is he laughing because of the utter craziness shown, because I am laughing, or because he can so clearly picture me in that situation. I really hope it is a combination of the first two; if it's the last one I really don't want to know.

Shawn...Shawn, who?

2008-09-27T17:11:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking about the history of the drunk dialing today. I think that it might have gone something like this.

Morse Code:

.... . -.-*--__-... .- -.*.. .__--. -*-- -__.--. .-.. .- -. ..*.

Early Telephone:

Operator: Operator, would you like to place a call?
Guy: ...Yes....*hic*...
.....
Operator: Sir? Where would you like to call?
Guy: Hey! You sound pretty, are you blond?
.....
Operator: *exasperated* Sir, do you want to make a call?
*hears a thunk*
Operator: Sir, are you alright?
.....
Police officer: Ma'am? Sorry he bothered you. We'll take it from here.
*hears muffled over the phone* "Alright Joe, back to the drunk tank. ... No, I won't hold your hand! You know the way.

Telephone:

Sue: *sleepily* Hello?
George: *hic* Hey!
Sue: George? Is that you?
George: *hic*
Sue: Is everything alright? It's 3 in the morning.
George: Your really pretty!
Sue: Get some sleep, George. *hangs up*

Cell Phone:

Karen: Bob, what's wrong?
Bob: Where are you?
Karen: It's 2 am! Where do you think? I'm in bed.
Bob: Want some company?
Karen: *Hangs up*

Now, the real reason for this post. Today I got a text at 2 am. It said, and I quote, "Hey girl how u been" I was miffed, to put it nicely. If you text me at 2 in the morning it had better be either a life/death situation, or I'm sleeping through the second coming. I'm flexible, either will work. The only thing I could think of was, "Who is this idiot, who woke me up at 2 to ask how I've been? And, do they seriously expect me to respond with anything other than 'asleep'?"

I was good, however, and asked who this poor fool was. I was even nice about it. His response, again I quote, "Shawn Is this that super fine girl from the fair" Again, I was good, and told him that he had the wrong number. I felt bad for him; it must be hard being that stupid. I hung up thinking, "Nobody is hot at 2 in the morning. Go to bed." The text he send back was gibberish (I believe that the general idea was that I am a cutie). It left no doubt in my mind that he was in high school, and I wasn't...haven't been in 10 years...and would kill myself before going back.

When did I get to be so old?

It's just a movie?

2008-09-24T00:57:00.008-05:00

Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? It comes on right after Big Bang Theory, which has to be the funniest TV show ever made. It provides quite the intercostal workout. Anyway...I digress.

This week's episode had Ted introducing his new fiance to Star Wars, his all time favorite movie. As with anyone who is over 25 and sees Star Wars for the first time, she hated it. She told to Ted's best friend how stupid the movie was. He explained to her that Star Wars is extremely important to Ted, and she would have to pretend to like it for the rest of her life. That's when I said it. I said the unforgivable. I said..."It's just a movie." To Nick: a generation may identify with believes, ideas, philosophies, and concepts put forth in a particular movie; but the movie itself is just a movie. Yes, this also includes The Lord of The Rings Trilogy and the Star Trek Saga (two cinematic giants that I am very passionate about).

However, as bad as my sin apparently is (I have yet to be forgiven), I believe that the first unpardonable sin was Nick's. He assumed that just because I am an avid Star Trek fan, that I like Star Wars. To me this is like saying, "Oh, you like oranges; you must like kumquats then." In my opinion, Star Wars makes an enormous mistake. It assigns morality to things that are not sentient, ie: the force. How can a force, or power, be evil? How can it have a dark side? I can understand that it can be used to do evil, but does that make the power in itself evil? Should you forgo areas of research and learning because they can be misused? I don't have answers, I only have beliefs. Beliefs which are different enough to those in Star Wars that I don't like it.

That, and no matter what anyone says, I will go to my grave saying that Star Wars is fantasy, not science fiction.

Watch that first step...it's a doosey

2008-09-15T23:59:00.010-05:00

I have taken the first step to achieving my dream of normalcy; I read a book. Not just any book, but an incredibly stupid (although funny) book. A book that was written for high school students. I swear, I dropped at least 10 IQ points! *groans* Now I'll never find a job!

I started this journey a few months ago, and just completed it this weekend. To it's credit, this book was a great bathroom book. Very short chapters, and easy to pick up and put down. I once tried reading Steven King in the bathroom. That didn't work well...my butt still hasn't forgiven me. Good thing that I was living at home, or my roommates might have lynched me.

What did I like about this book?

Gems such as "You're the one with almost an MBA...You should know what to do." Lash's reply, "They don't cover what to do with a dead hooker...That's a whole different program. Political Science, I think." and "He rocks my stripy socks." (Although I think I remember hearing that somewhere before...Oh well.) Oh...we can't forget the quote on the side bar!

The supporting actress...Abby Normal.

It is very witty. Maybe not Archie Goodwin witty, but witty none the less.

I don't know how it kept my attention. Frequently I would stop and think, "This book is stupid. Why am I reading it?" Then I would read a few more lines...and all would become clear.

The Star Trek like un-ending. Moore manages to tie everything up, and yet you are still wondering how it all ends.

The first paragraph, I"ll quote: "You b*tch, you killed me! You suck!"

It made me laugh. Not just once or twice...but many times.

One word...vamplets.

And finally...any book that shaves a 35 lbs cat, and then puts it in a sweater, is a must read!

Now, if I've done my job correctly, you all will run out and read this book. Then, among my friends, I won't have lost any IQ points...but I will still be able to blend better with the general population. One step down, if AA is to be believed, 11 to go. Any suggestions on what the next step should be?

Pink...Tacos?

2008-09-11T22:48:00.014-05:00

I watched "Legally Blond" once. I remember being struck by a sudden thought half way through..."This should be a horror flick, everything is pink!" Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the color pink. It has it's place...healthy gum tissue, a kitten's tongue, Klingon blood. Most people would be shocked to learn that I even used to wear pink. We all do crazy things in our childhood.

It used to be that you could count on a few things in this world to not be pink. Trucks, camouflage, hummers, guns, guy food....well, you get the idea. In junior high school, I saw a pink truck. I was in shock for a week. What would possess someone to do that to their truck! If they didn't like it, they shouldn't have bought it! Then came pink camo. I still can't figure out why you would want pink, purple, or any other psychedelic color of camo. I had a long-sleeved camo shirt once. It was green; it also had sparkles. I threw it away when I couldn't wash the sparkles off. A few years ago, I saw a pink hummer. It brought fond memories of one of Steven King's first movies "Extreme Machines." If ever was there a car made for that movie, this was it. And yes, I have seen a pink shotgun. I felt bad for it. It was so getting picked on by the turkey guns.

Taco Bell has a new taco. Nick was so excited about it, he called me at 3 to make dinner plans. On the way to pick up the new Volcano Taco, I had to question Nick about it. I asked the usual questions...Where did you hear about it?...What is it?...Would you like me to leave you alone with it? He gave the usual answers...A commercial, he was so excited that he called me right after it finished...It's really, REALLY hot...Thanks, but that won't be necessary. They won't notice that I'm in the room.

We tried the taco...well, he tried the taco. My poor stomach isn't made of cast iron, more like stressed aluminum. I consider it a major accomplishment that I no longer have to take Tums after every meal. Any way...I digress. He was disappointed in the taco, it wasn't hot. And, the Mountain Dew he had with dinner let him stay up all night thinking about how he ate a 'pink taco.' We had to go back. Eating a pink taco is disturbing, but eating a hot pink taco is manly. I don't get it.

**Thanks Taco Bell, for the use of your pic. I didn't think that you would mind.**

Why do I Bother?

2008-08-25T09:56:00.002-05:00

I consider myself a very logical person. Frequently this trait is the cause of much hilarity among my friends. While I was growing up, my mom would often tell me that I was "applying logic where it doesn't belong." Now she just gives me a pitiful look; apparently there are some habits I will never out grow.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the Darwin Awards. I have yet to come close to understanding what these poor, poor people were thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I need to ask myself one question. "Why do I bother?" Here are a few examples:

The graduate student across the hall from me is one of the lecturers for the Freshman Chemistry labs. She as 9 sections, with 300 students (at last count) and 4 TAs. She is also the TA for the Chem 1010 online course, and is in charge of AMES (college chemistry for high school students). And she is supposed to do research...when? In all 2 hours of her free time, no doubt. I'm sorry...you're right, I hyperbolize. She won't have that much free time.

In St. George, man robbed a bank. After getting the money, he went to visit family and then walked the streets. The police found him standing on the corner near his house, waiting for them.

One of Dr. Eyring's undergraduate students got his BS in Chemistry, and continued on to medical school. He became a pathologist. Ten years later, he decided that he didn't like the amount of paperwork, and became a potato farmer. (There was some mention of not liking to cut up dead babies, but I'm sure that's not important here.) That lasted for a few years before he got disgusted with the pay, and he went to law school. Now he is a lawyer, who specializes in malpractice suits.

Back in the day, if a St. Georgian wanted a pet they would drive out to the Arizona strip and grab a tortoise. If it ran away, no big deal--you go get another one. If it got too big, no big deal--leave the fence open, it runs away, and we know how to fix that. This practice has caused the BLM to 'reserve' large areas of land, in southern Utah, for the tortoise. A tortoise that wasn't in Utah before we brought it there.

Have you ever watched the "sidewalking" segment of the Tonight Show? Every single time I do, I wonder how these people have survived for so long. Shouldn't they have forgotten how to breath long before now? I like to think that he screens them by asking "Would you ever vote for Ron Paul?"

I'm sure that by now you see my frustration. What is this world coming to? How am I supposed to be able to find a place in it? I...who's favorite part of Geometry and Trigonometry was the proofs...have a place in all this insanity? Am I the only one who feels completely and utterly lost among a sea of idiots?!

At this point of my rant, I would like to thank my family and friends. These wonderful people who provide a levy against the tides of insanity; the absolute gems who help me understand the insanity that leaks through. I owe every bit of sanity that I possess today to them. Some days all I want is for them to come collect it, so I can finally fit in.

Would You Call?

2008-08-20T12:45:00.005-05:00

Dealing with tech support these past few months has reminded me, and probably them, of just why I hate dealing with them. As a pick-me-up I like to look up the stupid things that people call tech support for. I do this for several reasons.

I don't feel quite as stupid when the reason I called for turns out to be stupid.
It make me feel better when they don't understand what I am saying.
I don't get as frustrated when they can't find a way to fix my problem.

I make no claims to superior computer skills. I once called tech support to have them help me find where the experiment I just ran was saved, because it certainly wasn't where I told it to wait for me. While he was asking for help, I started to randomly search folders--and found it. For this reason (and others we don't need to get into), I frequently classify myself as computer illiterate. However I do know:

How to turn the computer on
How to use a mouse and
What a screen saver is.

Considering that these are the problems people call in for, don't you wonder about all of the problems that don't get called in? Recently an e-mail was forwarded to me describing this very same situation. I can't give it the justice it deserves, so I will refer you to the original story. Truly, I laughed until I cried!

Waldo Lives!

2008-08-13T15:44:00.003-05:00

I love Where's Waldo. As a kid I would spend hours looking for Waldo, Wanda, their dog, and the Wizard. Once that was done, I would look for the key, bone, scroll, and other assorted items requested by the back pages. I spy follows a similar theme, and is equally loved. There is nothing better than a Where's Waldo or I spy book on a rainy day.

On the way to Smiths, Nick and I found a yard dedicated to this cause! Let me tell you, the challenge of a 3-D environment was very much appreciated.

We searched for ten minutes until we found Waldo. Along the way, we found all the beach balls. After finding Waldo, we continued home. However, we had to come back. This yard had to be blogged about!

Taking pictures gave us the chance to find all the straw hats, the bucket wearing sunglasses, and the flip flops. I wasn't able to find the smiley face, unless that was Waldo--he was smiling. And counting to 12 was enough of a deterrent to keep me from looking for the bats.

I don't know who should be commended more...the guy who thought up the idea...the guys who strung up all the toys...or the neighbors who are saint enough not to demand that it get cleaned up. In any case, I totally enjoyed the experiment. Oh...I just found the smiley face!

**Disclaimer**

If this is your yard and you would like the pics removed just let me know. No one was home on the Saturday afternoon that we walked by, otherwise I would have asked for permission.

Reclaiming Your Youth

2008-08-07T17:15:00.014-05:00

So...I was telling a friend about my colorful knee, and she said that I should blog about it. I'm not sure why...but the TGA isn't behaving, so here I am.

Let me start off by saying that playground equipment is fun. It is almost as fun now (the odd proportions detract from the enjoyment) as it was when I was a kid. There should be a market out there for an adult sized playground, complete...with tamed monkey bars. The kind that the kids have bite!

When Nick and I go to play on the equipment, we like to go at night. There are less little kids then. Little kids tend to get in the way and/or pick up bad habits when adults are playing. Plus, it isn't as much fun if you have to be watching out for those younger than you. Anyway...I digress...at night there also isn't much light to see by. Hence, my poor knee.

One of my favorite ways to get onto said equipment is to run up the stout slide. Every playground has one...and if it doesn't, keep moving. In this case, it was yellow. I was running toward the slide, jumped, and missed. My foot hooked the bottom of the slide, and it was considerate enough to catch my fall. As a result both knees ached and I had a goose egg forming on my shin, right at my sock line.

Never one to be deterred by defeat, I peeled myself off the slide and quickly ran up it. I then had to promptly sit down. Once I was positive that I wasn't going to cry, that would break my cool facade, we preceded to enjoy the playground. It was fun. A cargo net, several slides, monkey bars, and a fireman's pole! Nick beat me at a game of tic-tac-toe. We swung on the swings...well, I only lasted 30 seconds before getting sick. When we got bored of this playground equipment, we moved to the lighted one. It had tunnels! I dominated at tic-tac-toe. Nick was such a gentleman, he let me go first each time. Bad move if you want to win, the first player can always win. ... Something tells me that I won't get to go first three time in a row anymore. Ah, well...it was fun while it lasted.

I feel like I should apologise to all those gangly teens, near teens, and recent teens who were hoping to grow out of it. Like most good curses, it becomes less frequent but never completely goes away. However, as a consolation prize, you can have a kick-a$$ tic-tac-toe game!

Drum Circles

2008-08-04T00:26:00.008-05:00

I once went to a drum circle at WSU. It was interesting. One kid sang the theme song for M*A*S*H, and countless others recited poetry that they wrote. When it turned into a beat poetry fest I left. I really can't stand that stuff.

I mention this because every Sunday Liberty park has a drum circle. These are usually (like most drum circles, I assume) a hippie fests. Frequently there are tie-dyed works on display, the marijuana leaf being prominently displayed. And Grandma and Grandpa hippie are usually there. They, of course, are all decked out in long hair, tie-died tank tops, and flip-flops. No, I didn't forget the pants, but it looks like they did. Luckily they are long tank tops.

Anyway, Nick and I walked around the park last night (it is now Monday). Since it was after dark, we were mildly surprised to hear the drums. We listened for a while, smelled "funny" cigarette smoke, and decided to leave. However, they started fire dancing. We walked back through the "regular" cigarette smoke to watch, luckily the "funny" was all smoked out (hence the fire dancing, I assume). They had some there that were clearly beginners, and others that were truly amazing. It was a mesmerizing sight! My favorite was the gal with a hula hoop. I think it had six fires around it, and was really cool!

P.S. This isn't the best video out there, but it does have the hula hoop!

Memories

2008-07-20T00:47:00.015-05:00

Let's play memory. I want everyone who is reading to go get a deck of cards. ... I'm serious, go get them. Use Uno cards if you have to. ... Got them? Good.

Now, I want you to pull all of the face cards from the deck (wilds for Uno cards). While you are doing this, think of the times that we have had together. It doesn't matter how long we have known each other, or how in depth our relationship goes. Just think on the memories that you have of me. ... Got all the cards pulled? Good.

Now this game is simple. It only has two simple rules.

1. As a comment, leave a memory you have of me on my blog.

2. Re-post these instructions on your blog. If you leave a memory about me, I will leave a memory about you. If you don't have a blog, I can post a memory of you on my blog. This way, we can all take a stroll down memory lane together. If you don't want to play, just say so in your comment and I'll keep my memories of you to myself.

Yep. It's just that simple to play. Oh...the cards...sorry about that. Now that you have them, you might as well play a hand or twenty of solitaire. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**

This is a copy of a copy of a copy...well you get the idea. I hope no one minds that I changed the wording.

Family Heirlooms

2008-07-15T01:17:00.027-05:00

It is rather amazing what you inherit if you live in an apartment long enough. Personally, I inherited 7 half-empty bottles of Windex; yes, I counted them. And yes, they are definitely half-empty, not half-full. You'd be pessimistic too...if you inherited 7 partially filled bottles of Windex. Anyway...I digress.

Nick and I were watching Smallville (a TV series that I am completely convinced has its roots in fanfiction) at his place when there was a knock at the door. It was a gal from the ward. She said, and I quote, "... This is going to sound strange, but I have a friend here who just had to see your orange couch..." No joke. That is what she said.

She brings in this guy who is surprisingly happy to see this orange couch. I say surprisingly, because I don't think that anyone has been happy to see this couch for 40 years. He even took a picture of it! It turns out that he had bought that couch for $40 from the DI. Nick thought that he got took, but I'm not so sure. Let's look at the facts.

1. Yes, the couch is ugly. But if it wasn't so ugly, when you sit in it you might sink all the way to the floor instead of only half-way. That has to be worth at least $10.

2. It has a nice, solid frame. Considering how ugly the couch is, this may seem like a curse. However, it also makes it hard to move. I can personally name 6 guys who have moved in and out over the last few years. (In all fairness, most of them got married. If my husband suggested that we take that couch, I would do my best to convince him that the guys need it worse than we do. If that didn't work, I'd get a restraining order.) If each guy was willing to put in a one time $8 (1/5 of the original price) for a new couch, that makes the couch worth...$48!

3. And when someone finally gets sick enough of it to get a new one...it can be taken out to the desert to be shot and burned. BONFIRE!! Who can put a monetary value on pyromania?

In short, $40 was a small investment for such a great family heirloom. Much better than...oh, I don't know...let's say...7 half-empty bottles of Windex. And #3 will make a group of somebodies very happy one day!

**Thanks for the pics, Nick. You're the bestest!**

why?...Why?...WHY?

2008-07-10T22:47:00.007-05:00

Have you ever met one of those people who are always asking why? I'm not sure if I have. But, just to be fair, I should probably admit that several of my family/friends just thought of me. I have recently found a website that could help defend against these people...the ones that are always asking why...not my family/friends. My family/friends like to put on a good show, but they are really harmless.

They are very up front and admit that they are not proposing scientific fact. I quote: "Misinformation is at the heart of all scientific inquiry. ... Once an explanation is ruled out it becomes fair game and fodder for sites like this... This site makes no apologies for dissemination of bogus facts, half-truths, shaky hypotheses and downright malicious lies, innuendo, tomfoolery and even shenanigans." It's a good thing...since this is exactly what they are trying to feed you.

Some of my favorites are why is...the grass green, water wet, steel stainless, and metal shiny. Also worthy to note is their discussion on light speed, a blog, and where babies come from. I am proud to say that they seem to hold to the same philosophy that I do; If you don't know the answer, make it up.

Before you check it out, you probably should know that they get a little silly...that's an understatement. And...hopefully...I have managed to drain at least a small corner of the swamp.

Tag, YOUR IT!

2008-07-01T15:01:00.012-05:00

I've been tagged!

Ten years ago:

I had just graduated from Dixie Jr. College, now Dixie State College (they went 4 year). I was planning on going to WSU, where I would become a criminalist. My goal was to work on a body farm, or become a medical examiner. I didn't know that you had to be either an Anthropology major or a MD.

5 things on my to do list:

1. Get my thesis published.
2. Find a real job.
3. Figure out why I still haven't received the part I ordered almost 3 weeks ago.
4. Get the TGA fixed.
5. Send Jessie's planters to her.

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

1. Play with a tiger cub
2. Pay off debt
3. Invest
4. Visit the black and the mutter museums
5. Spend the night at the Winchester manor
6. Start a scholarship fund
7. Make a crop circle
8. See Jeremy Bentham
Above all else...HAVE FUN

Places I have lived:

1. Avendale, AZ (barefooted outside on Christmas day, Yea!)
2. Lovelock, NV (only there for 2 months, and horses stink)
3. Martin, SD (it starts to snow, and they close school)
4. Ivans, UT (red dirt, only bleach will take it out)
5. Kanab, UT (home of the 'pink bridge')
6. Kearns, UT (as a kid, the only place where I graduated from the same school I started at)
7. Odgen, UT (moved there twice, about 20 years apart)
8. Salt Lake City, UT (still here)
9. St. George, UT (seems like every other move I end up back there)
I don't think that I left anywhere out...but it's possible.

Now for the difficult part. I'm supposed to tag 5 people. I only read 4 blogs (not including my own). And half of those have been tagged already. So...if you haven't been tagged, guess what? Tag, your it!

Advanced Math?

2008-06-29T03:05:00.014-05:00

The other day I had to obtain a copy of my transcripts for a job application. I figured that I would double check the graduation requirements, since I had to get a copy anyway. I need a total of 30 credits, 12 of which can be research. I got the gears in my head working, and figured out that I needed 28 classroom credits.

Turning to my transcripts I started counting. Yep, 12 research credits. Ok...3...6...21...WHAT only 22 classroom credits!?! I started to get worried. When I first checked this out, two semesters ago, I had more than enough. I had lost at least 6 credits! I forced myself to calm down, and I checked each class. Yep, they were all there. Now what? I AM SHORT 6 CREDITS FOR GRADUATION!!

My first thought was "Ok, it isn't second term yet, maybe I can sign up for something...anything to get my credits." However, after checking the schedule I became acutely aware of why graduate students only sign up for research during summer semester. Classes are not offered.

My second thought was "Oh $hit! I have to tell my advisor that I am 6 credits short for graduation. He is going to rip me a new one!" I would do anything to avoid this...I like my butt the way it is. So, I moved on to the third thought.

My third thought was to double check my math. Let's see 30 - 12 = ... 18. You're kidding me! I couldn't have made that mistake. I got out the calculator just to make sure. Yep...18. Whew. I'm really glad that I didn't send that e-mail. I can see the whole conversation now...He would be trying his hardest not to laugh while saying, "You know that masters degree we are giving you? Never mind." I would than have had to defend myself by saying, "At least it's a mistake Einstein would have made."

The moral of the story? Don't do advanced math when you have just spent 5 hours filling out a job application for the FBI. ...Or...fill out online job applications bare footed, and with a buddy. I guess it would depend on how bad your shoes stink.

*Thanks go to whoever posted this pic on facebook, so I could steal it. If it's yours, and you want it removed, just let me know.*

FYI

2008-06-24T09:56:00.011-05:00

Did you know that...

(1) Impressing a girl/guy can be deadly? One day Molly and her husband checked into a hotel. When Molly saw the extremely thin rail that ran around the balcony, she was ecstatic. She could impress her husband with her gymnastic ability. While I'm sure that the back flip onto the rail was flawless, her balance wasn't.

Two guys (we can call them Hans from Germany, and Bob from Ohio) tried impressing their gals with a very macho showing of strength. They decided that since there was a really high balcony, they would do pull-ups. I really hope that Bob didn't read about his buddy on the Darwin awards, and think he could do better.

(2) After you've impressed your significant other, making out on the rooftop is not a good idea. Linda and Chester found this out the hard way.

(3) Katrina Chalifoux created a wedding dress made entirely of Charmin and tape, for a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I hope the bride doesn't sweat when she gets nervous. But if she has allergies she's covered...at least for a little while.

(4) If you trace your family tree back 25 generations, you will have idenified 33,554,432 direct ancestors.

(5) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

(6) The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

(7) There are more collect calls on Father's day than any other day of the year.

(8) A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

(9) What could possibly be the largest living organism in the world is a fungus. It was discovered in the Malheur National Forest, in Oregon, and is estimated to cover 2,200 acres.

(10) June 20th is the happiest day of the year. Cliff Arnell has devised a scientific equation that takes into account physical and emotional stress factors. His research was funded by Wells Ice Cream.

And now we come to the purpose of this blog entry. Those of you who have seen The Bucket List will understand what I mean when I say "The cats beat me to it."

SQUIRRELS!!!

2008-06-14T14:07:00.005-05:00

Ok, I wasn't going to post for a while...but I was looking for this song, and found this delightful music video instead! It's totally hilarious, and everyone should see it at least once. I've already watched it 3 times! But that doesn't excuse anyone.

Arachnophobia

2008-06-11T15:45:00.008-05:00

This post is in hopes that I can help my little sister with her arachnophobia. While I still maintain that it is not my fault that she has arachnophobia (what fun could be had by throwing little balls of black string at her, if she didn't shriek like a banshee), I believe that I may be able to help her work out this fear.

I guess I should start by stating my credentials. Don't give me that look! I do have 'spider experience.' I had a pet spider for 3 years. A wolf spider. This spider lived on the side of our house. We would still be friends today, if I hadn't moved. I would talk to this spider. I have always found it helpful to tell problems to someone, not for a solution--but to get a better handle on the problem. Our conversations were always so very one-sided, though. I felt bad about this. I consoled myself by believing that if the spider wanted to talk, I would listen. Now that I have been self-certified as the spider guru, on to the therapy.

(1) Spiders that come into the house are committing suicide. They want to die, and you are doing them a favor by ending it quickly for them. In Jr. High, I had a basement bedroom. The number of spiders that liked to bite me at night was astonishing! At that time, I made a pact with all spiders. When I am outside, they are allowed to try and kill me. However, if they come inside I am allowed to try to kill them. If they leave their friends out of it, I won't recruit help either. These odds seemed a little one-sided to me. Just to even things up, I have to have shoes on. Since making this pact, the number of spiders I come across when I am barefooted has skyrocketed. I believe this to be the spiders' acceptance. You would to, if you knew that I wear shoes almost every waking hour.

(2) Spiders live a painful existence. Spinning a web can not be comfortable. Let's see...you pull some thread out of your butt, hang from it until you can swing wide enough to reach the next branch, and repeat a billion times over your life time. Of course this is assuming that there isn't a strong wind, which pulls that thread out much faster than you originally intended. Can you say OUCH! We are doing them a favor by sending them to spider heaven. There pigs have to spin the webs, to repay Charlotte.

(3) If logic won't persuade you, let superstition be your guide. Let's see not killing/seeing a spider can bring: money, good luck, health, joy, and hope. However it can also bring: sorrow, anxiety, bad luck, death, personally catastrophic events, new secret enemies, and misfortune. Killing a spider can bring: good or bad luck, and rain. There's the delightful bonus that you no longer have to live with the spider. I'd say the bad side of not killing the spiders far out weighs the good side.

(4) Has this worked? If not, maybe you can benefit from WikiHow! I bet there are at least seven or eight untested methods here that you haven't tried.

(5) Still afraid? At least you know that you are not quite as bad off as this gal. She's willing to pimp herself out for a good spider killer! Please excuse the profanity; I'm sure she doesn't know any better.

(6) What if you just want to kill spiders, but need to give them a fighting chance? Let the diatoms do the dirty work for you! Just call 1-800-DIATOMS.

And as always, you should be glad that I didn't have access to this story when I was 12. Boy, I could have and fun with that one! If I had this story and a small plastic spider, I would have thought I died and went to heaven!

Social Reminiscing

2008-06-08T11:51:00.002-05:00

Most people are surprised to learn that my boyfriend is the first guy that I have dated. I'm not sure why. I would have thought that Chemistry Graduate Student would have said it all. I am socially awkward. I have no clue as to what to say, do, or even how to act most of the time. Even church taxes my limited social skills. I really don't know how my boyfriend puts up with it. He probably finds it amusing.

Those of you who haven't seen me must be thinking, "Oh...she must be stunningly beautiful." Sadly, this is not the case. While I don't think that I am ugly, I don't really think that I am beautiful either. I guess I would describe myself as pleasant looking, I don't turn heads either way.

So, I thought I would share my early dating experiences. This way, you all can all share with me the sense of wonder that I actually have a boyfriend. You can also wince with me, as I relate my past dating experiences. More often than not, I feel more sorry for the guy than I do for myself.

The first date I went on was in high school. My AP Chemistry lab partner asked me out. He also was one of my little sister's best friends. I was wearing my favorite pair of black denim shorts. Which unbeknown to me, I split the butt out of. I found this out an hour after he brought me home. Sad, I loved those shorts.

At Dixie Jr. College (now Dixie State), I got involved with Lambda (the LDS church sorority). We were going around to the dorms to promote rush week with Sigma (the fraternity). The guy I was with showed an interest in me. He was even pleasant to talk to...until he said that he "wanted a trench coat so I can carry a sawed-off shot gun." I really didn't want to talk with him after that.

My first day at WSU there was this guy who followed me around all day, and he even tried to get chummy with my dad. I didn't notice (at least until he started talking with my dad), but my mom did. While at career services, I over heard him talking to the receptionist. He wanted to get a business degree so he could go home and run the family bar. Such ambition! He asked me out...right after he introduced himself. Needless to say, I didn't go. The next semester he showed up in a few of my criminalistics classes. I have never been more happy than when I saw him locking lips with another girl outside of class! He didn't come to class anymore after that. Double yea! He aksed really stupid questions.

Now we are at the U. My home teacher called on a Saturday night. I had just spent 12 hours at the lab, and was completely exhausted. That week, 12 hours was a light day. He asked if I wanted to go to music and the spoken word. Had it been any other day I would have said yes; I would have recognized that he was asking me out. But that day my brain was jelly, and all I could think of is that church wasn't until noon and I really wanted to sleep in. I was seriously considering skipping church for some therapeutic video games.

The next guy to ask me out was a really great guy. We became really good friends. We went to a Jazz festival in the park. He had to leave at the beginning to give a blessing. The concert was good, and I felt really bad that he missed it. The next day was the last day of the festival, and he asked me again. Scheduling was hectic, and the whole night was stressful. It wasn't until a few months later, that I realized that it was a date. But like I said, I have the social skills of a jelly fish. I had no clue what to do, so I ignored it.

The next guy to ask me out was my boyfriend. Now that you all know my learning curve, I'm sure you all have a new sense of awe that he puts up with me. Unfortunately, I am still as oblivious as ever! It's a good thing he keeps a 2 x 4 around.

Global warming, revisited

2008-05-22T15:37:00.004-05:00

I have been heard!! And the polar bears are leading the front lines in the war on global warming! I am a little concerned, however, about this type of solution. It was never my plan to endorse the utter annihilation of the penguin. I also never realized the extreme animosity that the polar bear has for the penguin. There are very few things that I love enough to walk half way around the world to get; and, I can not imagine hating something enough to do it!

As disturbing as this new development in polar bear behavior is, it is not what concerns me. What I am concerned about it the massive amounts of 'penguin gas' that will be released all at once. So far we have seen only small amounts being released, and some researchers believe that the results of that have been devastating. I hate to think what this latest development is going to do to the global climate. Please, polar bears, stop and think about your actions. You live in this world too.

*Thanks go to Jen, who passed along the e-mail that I stole this photo from. If it's yours, and you want me to remove it, just let me know.*

Fears of the Heart

2008-05-09T17:51:00.002-05:00

So, this will be the last post for a while. For those of you who don't know (which is probably just about everyone) I defend my masters thesis in a little over a week. I am scared $hit less!

In truth, I feel ready. I just can't get rid of this fear that I am going to be completely torn to shreds. That I will get up there, say and do everything right, and still fail. I gave the first dry run in front of my adviser Monday. It went really well for a first dry run. There was minimal changes to my slides, and I left feeling really good about it. His advise was pretty standard. Stand up straight!...Don't snap your gum!...Are you reading your slides!?...I can't hear you!...You have too many slides. Just kidding, he was really helpful. He had me flip through my slides as he talked, showing me where I could save time. The only disturbing thing is that if I don't talk to the back right corner of the room, he is going to stand there so I will. I'm not sure why he wants that corner to feel included, but I'm willing to accommodate. Your adviser is like your mother, when he's happy everyone's happy.

The second dry run was Wednesday. It went even better. I had made the changes to my slides, and was even able to run through all 23 of them in half an hour! My adviser ask some mock questions (the kind designed to trip you up and make you look like a babbling idiot) and I was able to answer most of them successfully. It wasn't until half an hour afterward that I noticed that I had toothpaste down the front of my shirt! I really hope that this is not a sign of things to come! At least it was on the bottom corner, and not down the middle.

All this fear has led me to believe that I need a good luck charm (hence the pic). I'm not sure what makes an adequate good luck charm. All I really know that rabbit's feet don't work. I mean, the rabbit had four of them and look what happened to him. I have decided that for my defense, the Groundhog of Science would make a wonderful good luck charm. This way, if it doesn't work out I can blame it all on him. After all, he's a groundhog. What could he possibly know about science!

P.S.
Don't feel bad if you didn't know that I was defending. I haven't had time to breath, much less spread the news. They only reason I have time to blog, is that I am currently waiting on an undergraduate. Well, got to go. I need to be in St. George this weekend for CE's farewell. I'm really proud of him.

Got Spring?

2008-04-18T17:19:00.002-05:00

Spring is here, at least in the Salt Lake Valley. Inspired by a friend's blog, and the subsequent comment war that I tried to start with said friend's new bride, I thought I would list a few of the things that mean spring to me. So, in addition to the trees budding and the flowers blooming...

The forsythia is in full bloom. You might say "Hey! Wait a minute, doesn't that plant bloom in February?" Yes, yes it does. And shortly following this blessed event my allergies surge. And, of course, the brilliant yellow flowers insure that everyone in town has at least one bush in their yard. How wonderful.

Hay fever has started. I have been asked by no less than four people this week if I have hay fever. At the change of seasons, any season, I give up trying to keep my nose and sinuses clear. Instead I focus upon keeping the head and earaches to a minimum. Seventy dollars worth of drugs a month, and I still have a freaking headache!

Skeet hunting. Last weekend we had the first trap shoot of the season. The weekend before it snowed four inches. Well....ok, maybe not four inches, but you get the point.

The new diet fads are coming out. My sister sent me a text message today that said you could lower the fat content of your burger by 40% if you mixed prunes into the meat. We agreed to leave geriatric burgers to those who are over seventy or severely constipated. Don't worry, I'll assume that time has been very good to you.

The Salt Lake City Marathon is tomorrow. That means that, because of the road closures, the graduate student across the hall from me has to leave her house at 5 am in order to get to campus before noon. Absolutely insane, it is a 15 minute drive! Boy am I glad I'm not helping with the Science Olympiad. Although I live further north, so I'm not boxed in like she is...

Last Tuesday it was snowing off and on. Around 6 pm I realized that it was snowing but, I could smell wet pavement. I refuse to call that smell 'rain'; 'rain' smells like wet sage brush and creosote.

As my friend mentioned, Baseball has started. In general, I am not a fan of spectator sports. Normally I don't notice the beginning and ending of a season, but the stadium is on the way to Wal-Mart. If you want to go to Wal-Mart right before or after a game, it takes twice as long to get there.

Which leads me to my favorite one. Wal-Mart has bathing suits on sale. You can't miss them; they're right next to the winter coats.

I'm sorry

2008-04-11T16:32:00.001-05:00

This blog entry is an apology of sorts. I have come to realize that sometimes I am not as politically correct as society dictates, or even at all. So, in no apparent order, I have picked several things over the years that I really shouldn't have said or done. They all start with those very important words that everyone finds it so hard to say...

I'm sorry that I...

blew up a can of A&W cream soda. I'm even more sorry it was in front of my boyfriend, who won't let me live it down.
told my brother "Then go to hell" in sacrament meeting. I probably shouldn't have taken my mother's subsequent laughter as encouragement.
have a cat that is flipping the bird as my IM portrait. Not sorry enough to change it, but sorry none the less.
learned that my little brother is so susceptible to suggestion that I could tickle him from across the room.
made fun of Joesph Smith's double underlining of the phrase "the pure in heart." It really could have been just a reminder to check the spelling.
got my roommate evicted. You'd think that after 50 years of life you would figure out that some behavior just isn't acceptable.
convinced my sister that if she didn't do everything I said her 'eye jelly' would fall out and she would go blind.
unmercifully abused #4.
knocked on the window of the van so I could throw a snowball at the kind lady who was willingly giving us a ride home from school. Honestly, she looked bored.
suggested "We kicked your butt" for the cheer after a church basketball game. It did seem like an all around summary of the game. It was a massacre.
threw little black balls of string at my sister while yelling SPIDER. I was even more sorry when she stopped reacting.
got thrown out of the ball pit at Chucky Cheese. I don't remember it being that much fun when I was little, maybe it was just the banishment.

Well, that's my list. If you were hoping to see something here, and didn't, let me know. I'll tack it on. This is not a plea for forgiveness, just a realization that I may need some. I'm really not sorry enough to be forgiven.

SSDD

2008-03-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

07:00--Alarm clock goes off. I really didn't get enough sleep. Oh good...roommate just got into shower. Hit snooze.
07:30--Now I really have to get up.
07:35--Other roommate is in the bathroom. Maybe today is a good day to start eating breakfast.
07:45--Get into the shower. If I hurry I could catch the next bus to campus.
08:05--It's snowing! It was in the 60's yesterday! Where did I hide the zip-out fleece for my coat?
08:15--Zip-out fleece is installed. Pack workout bag, I really need to workout today. Pack pockets. Look out the window in disgust. Where's that stupid flash drive?
08:25--Ready to go...bus left 5 minutes ago. Oh well...now I can make my bed.
08:50--Leave to catch bus. I really don't want to go to school today. There's a quarter of an inch of snow on the ground, and it's still going strong! I hate snow.
09:05--Bus is late. Figures. I probably could have caught the last one.
09:12--Greeted by fellow graduate student. Did I know that it is 70 in St. George? Funny.
09:13--Glare at TGA. I have to switch furnaces today. That means I have to find the stabilization screw that I lost 6 months ago, and didn't bother to look for. Don't tell my advisor. Damn it! I forgot my workout clothes!
09:14--Hmmm....maybe this plate would come off.
09:15--It's dark in there. Where's that flashlight...Oh, this lamp will do.
09:16--Damn it! No screw. Lots of wires though. Probably should unplug TGA before I go poking around. School isn't supposed to be a religious experience.
09:17--Maybe screw would be easier to find if I remove the furnace.
09:25--Furnace removed. Still no screw. Is it possible for it to have fallen behind the furnace?
09:26--Need a screwdriver to remove back panel. Where did it get put last?
09:28--Got it! Now I just need to climb on top of the desk, go around the computer.....maybe I won't need to go to the gym today after all.
09:30--Back panel removed. No screw, isn't even possible for screw to fall there. Replace back panel.
09:32--Turn power off. Jiggle wires. Ah...Found the stupid screw. Replace the panel and start TGA back up.
09:35--Attempt to install new furnace.
09:40--Maybe furnace would be easier to install, if MS capillary isn't still attached. Now I just need two wrenches...
09:45--Capillary removed. Time to try again.
09:50--What is it hung up on now!! Oh...installed stabilization screw wrong. Try again.
09:55--Success!! Now it just needs to be calibrated...
09:56--Jared (fellow graduate student I'm supposed to train on the TGA) shows up. Good. I'll introduce him to the software by running the calibration.
10:30--One out of two calibration points obtained. Looks really good. Damn it! I forgot to switch to the new purge gas flow rates! Oh well, he isn't collecting real data today anyway. I'll redo the calibration later. Just got to let the furnace cool down so it can be opened...shouldn't be too long.
11:30--Oh yeah...this furnace cools down/heats up really slow. That's why we switched to the other one.
11:45--Next calibration point started. Jared has a lecture on glaciers to go to. He invites me...boy I wish I had time to go to a lecture I'm not interested in.
11:50--Finally have time to check e-mail. Advisor still hasn't forwarded e-mail about the chemical engineering research group who's TGA blew up on them. Send friendly reminder.
12:00--Start working on defense slides. They'll probably have to be rewritten once I get my thesis back from advisor, but it's something to do.
12:20--Check on TGA calibration. It's done...looking really good. TGA probably doesn't have to be recalibrated. Need to let the oven cool so I can see how accurate it is at room temperature. Back to slides.
13:00--Oven cooled enough to open. Cools faster this way. Back to slides.
13:15--Nice, oven cooled. Room temperature calibration looks good. Don't have to mess with the calibration. Back to slides.
13:45--Jared comes back. Must have gotten lunch. I'm hungry. Time for lunch.
14:00--Bring lunch back to the office, union is too crowded. Check e-mail. Oh, got e-mail from advisor. Forwaring to engineering student and her advisor. Add note: "I'm a slave who has too much to do. Please give me more work."
14:10--Oh yeah, I got lunch.
14:20--I haven't done the online puzzle yet. Yea...something fun to do.
14:30--That was quick. I'll do last weekends.
14:50--Yea! It was a circular one, they're harder. Go check on Jared. Everything is fine. Back to slides.
15:00--Dad bought two stuffed sheep at Wal-Mart. He sent me a pic. He looked up, online, what type of sheep they are. That's how they got their names. ...Ok...back to slides.
16:30--That Pepsi with lunch is really getting to me. Time for a potty break. I'm bored of slides...time to check the fan fic I've been following.
16:45--Nothing new. Time to go back to slides.
17:00--Two other graduate students come by. They want to look at the data that they collected yesterday. Jared is still using the TGA, they decide to come back later. Back to slides.
17:30--Crap. There was a lecture I was going to go to half an hour ago. Oh well, I was only mildly interested anyway. I'm bored of slides. Time to surf the net.
17:45--Graduate students come back. Let them into the lab. Back to slides, I'm almost half done. It's hard condensing forty pages into easy to read slides.
18:00--Jared has a question. Easily answered, thankfully. His mom is in town. Lucky dog...he gets a home cooked meal.
18:30--I'd better leave if I don't want to walk home. Last bus from campus leaves in 10 minutes.
19:00--My boyfriend calls. "Big Bang Theory" is online! Yea! I get to see it, even if the stupid VCR didn't record it. Mmmm...pizza sounds good.
19:45--Pizza was good. "Big Bang Theory" was funny. Not as funny as last week, but funny. Reminds me of why I don't lie; it's just too much work. "How I met your mother" sounds good.
20:30--"How I met your mother" was funny.
20:48--Everyone's day was average. Told sheep story. Learned that sheep like to get tangled in barbed wire fences, and buffalo like to walk through them.
20:50--I'm going to be kicked out soon. I don't want to go, that means the day is over. I have more slides to do tomorrow. Maybe if I start a tickle fight...
21:00--Only mildly successful. Maybe it would work better if I was ticklish.
21:15--Arrive home. Now I have to say goodnight. Sad. But he hasn't shaved for a few days, so bearable.
21:30--Turn on computer. Time to check out my friends' blogs. I wonder how Deetzland is doing?
22:00--Nothing new. Deetzland is thriving. 92 citizens, everyone gets their own house. I counted. No one posted to my blog either. Maybe I should do something about that. Just got to think of something to say...
22:15--Got this really dumb idea. Now I'm blogging...
23:00--Just got to spell check, then I can get ready for bed. Maybe play 15 min of video games....we all know it's never just 15 min.

This bud's for you

2008-03-07T17:04:00.000-06:00

Dear Moral Reprobate,

While I congratulate your eagerness to leave your mark on the world, I do not think that my car is the appropriate place. Can't you find a street sign, or fire hydrant somewhere to vandalize? There is a stop sign about half a block away from where I park. Maybe you need glasses.

I understand that accidents sometimes happen. It is a sad thing that when we don't have the proverbial balls to own up to our mistakes. Couldn't you have left a note? Do I need to keep pen and paper outside of my car, as well as inside? I am assuming you do know how to read and write; after all most five-year-olds can write their name and phone number. Do you enjoy being morally egregious?

I would offer you a cold one, but you probably wouldn't want it. Considering the mood I'm in, spit would be the nicest thing I would put in it!

*whew* I really feel better now. You guys should really try this! It works.

Leap Year Equality

2008-02-29T17:11:00.000-06:00

I came across some interesting trivia today, and thought I would share. Should anyone care to check the source, something that I am ashamed to admit that I did not do, the story can be found here http://marriage.about.com/cs/holidays/a/leapyear.htm

In 1288, Scotland passed a law that allowed women to propose marriage on February 29th. Included in the law was a penalty for any man who declined. The penalty could range from a kiss to payment for a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So...how many of you gals out there would like a silk dress? You have 6 hours and 56 minutes to fund it...6 hours and 50 minutes...

SAoS

2008-02-19T02:37:00.001-06:00

While playing on line, JLD found a list of facts about Bill Nye. The list can be found here http://billnyefacts.googlepages.com/. In one of the heavily embellished stories about his social life, a Teddy Bear of Science is mentioned. We decided that we needed teddy bears of science. Since not all are partial to teddy bears, I have taken the liberty of expanding the genera to include all stuffed animals. Presto! SAoS (Stuffed Animals of Science) are born!

Now, you may ask, "What makes a true SAoS?" There are three criteria that every SAoS must conform to. The stuffed animal in question must:

1. be made/purchased with the specific intent on becoming a SAoS (no retrofitting, please),
2. contain within it something that the scientific community uses regularly, and
3. must wear one of two things (bonus points if both are present) a bow tie displaying a terminal bachelor pattern, or a lab coat.

Glasses and other accessories are a nice touch, but entirely optional. On impulse several years ago, I bought a pack of wallet-sized periodic tables. Armed with these, we went to build-a-bear. We had begun the first leg of our quest for the SAoS! Finding a parking spot was difficult.

PART 1: FIND PARKING. We were driving around, when we got stopped in a long line of someone waiting for a parking spot. We were patient; after all we were on the brink of obtaining the SAoS! However, the guy in the pickup truck (a rather large pickup truck) wasn't so patient. He kept backing up and maneuvering himself in really weird positions. We were half convinced that he was trying to get into a small parking spot when he signaled something to me (I was driving. I'm not that cute). JLD thought he was telling me to take the spot, and I thought that he was saying he wants the spot. Either would require me to back up, and there were four cars behind me. Besides, I really didn't want that spot. It was right at the intersection and would be difficult to get out of. He gave up, and the line eventually moved. He then proceeded to take an even smaller spot. He had to fold the driver's side mirror in, to avoid having it taken off. The trim on the side of his truck wasn't so lucky. He cursed and drove off. Our laughter over him folding his mirror in died quickly. Later, I wondered how he thought he was going to get out of his truck. Maybe he only likes to park?

PART 2: BUILD-A-BEAR. For those of you who are not familiar with build-a-bear, they don't only have bears. They have a lot of bears, some in ungodly colors and patterns. While perusing the selection, it occurred to me. Teddy bears of science are really cool, but you can't beat a GROUNDHOG OF SCIENCE! I had made my selection. It was stuffed with cotton, the second requirement (a wallet sized periodic table), and the customary heart. It was bathed (more like an air shower). Now it was time to fulfill the third requirement. I looked around the store, and then had to look around again. There were no bow ties, and the closest thing to a lab coat was a bathrobe. Disillusioned, I bought the bathrobe thinking maybe I could modify it to make it work. I then moved to the computers, to name my Groundhog of Science. At checkout I was asked if I named by groundhog. I told her "Yes, I named him Groundhog of Science." She didn't even bat an eye; she just went over and picked up the birth certificate. I wonder what she would have done if I said Bob or Digger? She probably would have had a heart attack.

PART 3: LEAVING THE PARKING STRUCTURE. We inspected the wall, and found part of the truck. We laughed (getting your car crunched is only funny after a the shock wears off), shook our heads, and got into the car. Unsurprisingly enough, there was a line leaving the parking structure. Thinking it would be a while before we could make any significant progress on leaving, we started to discuss how to modify the bathrobe and the possibility of pocket protectors. There were two parking attendants, or two really creepy guys, standing next to the exit. They noticed that I didn’t notice that the line had moved a whole two feet. They clapped and yelled at me to move forward. We were stunned. I mean, how rude! I'm no beauty, but neither do I have a tail! I was good though, and pulled up quickly.

PART 4: TAILORING. That night I proceeded to modify the previously mentioned bathrobe. After 20 minutes of work it looked like a belt less bathrobe, that has a collar instead of a hood. Needless to say, I was not impressed. I spent a few hours today running around to department and toy stores looking for a lab coat/doctor's outfit for my groundhog of science. I found only disappointment. I remember seeing such things when I was a kid. What is the world coming to, when children can no longer dress their teddy bears (or groundhogs) up to be doctors! We are depriving our children! My roommate had the wise suggestion of going on line. I did, and finally found a lab coat! It's even called a lab coat. It is being shipped as you read!

Pics of the groundhog of science to come!

Way to go, little bro!

2008-02-13T22:40:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday my little brother (CE) was ordained an Elder in the LDS church. I so wanted to be there, but I couldn't afford to drive down. It made me sad. Today he got his mission call. He is going to serve in the Santiago, Chile mission! He leaves for the MTC on May 21st. We are so psyched for him. He is going to learn and grow so much; I envy him. *grin* I bet now he wishes that he listened to me and took Spanish, instead of German, in high school.

I almost forgot. Being the good big sister that I am, when he first started planning on a mission, I would tease him about serving on temple square. He was really disgusted with this; he wanted to go foreign. My response to that was "Then you'll go to Canada." Glad to be wrong.

*thanks go to JLD for the title suggestion*

The shame of it all!

2008-02-13T00:56:00.000-06:00

Last night (since it is now this morning--don't believe the posted time. I don't know what blogspot.com is smoking, but we'll have a party when I figure it out.) I had the hierarchy of soda explained to me. And he did it with a straight face!

Nick and I were eating dinner at A&W. Since A&W also is KFC you have to get chicken. The potpie is the best, but I was trying the Caesar salad. It was good, not as good as the potpie though. And since it is A&W, you also have to get a root beer float. Yum! We were finishing our meal, and I was getting too full for my float. This always happens to me. Why do they have to make meals so big? After I explained this, Nick said that I had to finish the soda, but I could leave the ice cream. I asked why. I am kind of like a two-year-old in this regard; I'll never figure out how he puts up with me. He replied "Because it's A&W... from a tap!" What's more, he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And that brought up the memory of my sacrilege.

Before we were dating, we were both at the same bonfire. These bonfires were the best! And Nick would usually do most of the planning. Thanks, Nick! We would go shooting, get to play with fire, build smores, and every once and a while someone would bring something completely odd to burn. We burned computers, textbooks, couches, underwear, wedding dresses, you name it and it was probably burned at one of these bonfires. Once one of my roommates brought a robot karaoke machine. She 'walked' it right into the fire. I thought it was a fitting end. But anyway.... I digress. Towards the end we had an enormous pile of ashes, and left over soda. I wanted to explode a soda. What self-respecting chemist wouldn't? When I expressed this desire everyone agreed so, I took a soda out to warm it up. All that was left was the A&W (Boy I wish I was getting paid for all this sponsership!) root beer and the equally A&W cream soda. Since I don't really care for either, it didn't matter to me which one bit it. However Nick and his roommates like root beer so, I chose the cream soda. Nick happened to walk by the can as it was warming up. He explained to me, very passionately I might add, how it was an unpardonable sin to waste A&W. I figured God would understand, and buried the can in the ashes. Besides, He always seemed more of an IBC man to me. We then proceeded to wait for it to explode. We waited…. and waited… and waited. Eventually we lost patients, and turned away. It chose right then to explode. Nick said it was a fitting punishment. I almost threw another can in.